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Unsane

I really don’t have time to incur major or minor injuries right now, so I’d like to start this post with

Please refrain from hurling your Oxford dictionaries at me.

Anything that possibly puts me out of action as a not-so-single-single-Mom of four kids pretty much crucifies the state of my house. We are already managing to screw it up pretty good without that.

So to clarify, I am aware that unsane is not a real word. However, upon much consideration I have decided that it is perfectly aligned with everything that my life is all about. To put it bluntly, I see your Oxford dictionary and raise you a Unicorn.

You see, for reasons only known to my parents, possibly the FBI, CIA, MI5 and I’m guessing a super secret, secret service that knows our every movements, I am not governed by the normal rules of society and grammar. No. I rule my portion of middle earth with things that make absolutely no sense at all to anyone…..except me. To be perfectly honest, there are many things that I do that make absolutely no sense to me either, but I do them because there’s a little happy place inside me that gets a kick out of it. You can’t ignore a happy place people, it disrupts the balance of pretty much everything.

Recently a few things have shifted in my life. My youngest child toddled off to school, which has meant a few less tears on my part trying to undo, what he just undid of my hard work scrubbing the house down. Somehow, between running a business from home and trying to not shout out my demands at mini people, I gained actual time. Did you hear me there? ACTUAL TIME. Time to just…..wait…..getting a little emotional now…..time to just…..*sniff*…..do whatever I want. This time is now deemed the anti-juice time. During these blessed hours when children are all at school and doing their educational related school stuff, no one at home is asking me for ANYTHING. Not a thing. Not a single juice request.

There is actual silence in my house you guys.

You have no idea. Of course, mostly I do the whole adult thing and work, which is terribly responsible and completely not me at all. It does keep my little happy place happy and things seem to operate in a sort of more orderly fashion. Which creeps me out beyond belief because orderly is not in my vocabulary and I feel like something is about to jump out of the closet at any moment and just ruin the roll I’m on. The panic attacks are getting less frequent, I’m finally getting comfortable that nothing will actually strike…..although that’s always when it does. Oh god……..

With this newly found time, I have done what any unsane person would actually do and wasted it senselessly. I deserve it. It’s left me far too much time on my hands to think about things that are completely useless, like does the TV remote possess magical powers? Why do they fight over it then? Yet also to reflect back at how surreal my life has been with a clone of me always in tow asking for multiple episodes of whatever-kid-show-is-most-annoying-at-the-time and juice by the truck load. I’ve had time to think about me, in all my weirdness and strange habits that have formed from this life I’ve created.

In a conversation I had with me recently, I came to the conclusion that I’m truly not insane. Insane implies it’s not my fault and I probably need meds. I don’t need meds. I need a shot of Tequila and a back massage. Sane is completely just NOT me, because no one has a conversation with themselves who’s actually sane. I’m pretty sure no one would describe me as sane, the words crazy and nuts are used far too often in my presence to be clinically sane. No, I’m unsane. Unsane teeters on the edge of sane and insane.

Unsane is a lifestyle choice.

That’s right. I am choosing to reject sane and since it’s a choice, I am not insane. I am consciously aware and reserve the right to not be sane. I need this to stand in court. I need to start a revolution.

Unsane is the new black.

Unsane is totally me. I am so working this.
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3 Responses to “Unsane”

  1. Correen says:

    In the realm of “unsane” is where my imagination truly comes alive…so count me in, teetering on the edge is kinda my thing!

    • mesina says:

      Oh I love the edge! Let’s sit on the edge and have coffee together……but not decaf because that’s not edgy that’s just wrong. I still have morals.

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