The sick mind of a mother

We mothers are a breed of our own, somehow developing some of the most peculiar behaviors known to man. We don’t start out this way, in fact when we see qualities in our own mothers growing up we vow never to be anything like them. Even when we have our first baby, we don’t automatically develop these amazing abilities that only mothers possess. No we get a few new traits and the rest slowly creeps up on us over the years so that we never really notice the change. But it’s there, lurking, creeping, making us go from the women we once were to all out Moms.

The day I realised I was ”offically” a mother, was the day my eldest daughter bounced off the sofa and smacked her head on the floor. Pre motherhood, if a child was to do such a thing I would have bounded over with a huge hug saying ”awww are you ok?! Maybe you shouldn’t jump on the sofa like that huh?” something nice, sweet, helpful. But no, that day the first thing out of my mouth was ”I told you not to jump on the sofa like that!” The hug soon followed after a short lecture (it was short!) and I asked finally if she was ok. I got up from the floor turned to finish my housework and just stopped dead in my tracks. That was it, I was a mom now. I had my very first mommy moment and damn, I wasn’t quite expecting that. It was at that moment that I became aware that the mommy traits were slowly creeping in.

What followed in the years to come were superhuman abilities that I have come to see all mothers possess. I can smell danger a mile away, I have the ability to plot out in 2.3 seconds all the potential hazards in a single area and see a child not only bounce off a sofa, but how he or she could wind up jumping off, smacking their head on the coffee table, and possibly being bounced straight into the television screen getting electrocuted.(its possible) I also have abnormal hearing abilities and can hear a fly sneeze in the other room if my kids are in it. Or most importantly, I can hear when there is no sound coming from that room, alerting my Mom Radar to go in and check out what evil plan they’re up to now. I can smell disease (among other things) and know exactly when my kids are carrying a virus even before they start to show symptoms. Oh my god, ok, get the medicine in the cupboard, you’re having two doses before school because by god you are finishing out today as I have plans to go shopping and if I don’t do this today my whole week is screwed! The child, plus my other half, always looking at me like I’m totally nuts and I usually get a but he looks fine. Guaranteed at some point during that day he’s down with something. I can also diagnose any illness for that matter and will argue with any friggin doctor, medical school or not jerkwad.

See exhibit A – me at the hospital with my son on a Saturday (doctors office shut)
 Me- It’s bronchitis he’s got, can we get some antibiotics?
Doctor – It would be highly unlikely as it’s summer and not the season for bronchitis
Me – I’m telling you it’s bronchitis, I’ve seen this before, I and my children get it often in childhood
Doctor stares in disbelief, how could I, a simple Mom know what the hell I’m talking about against his years of medical study and PhD. I am a mere peon.
5 hours later……
Doctor sends in the nurse to tell me…since I have a feeling he’s a bit embarrassed.
Nurse – It seems your son has bronchitis, we’ve prescribed some antibiotics
Me – Yes I know. Could you have done this 5 fecking hours ago? I could be home taking care of him by now and dinner is totally screwed now thanks!

I also am armed with the talent of completely ruining a romantic moment with my motherly worries and super fast Mommy Response System (the infamous MRS). If during that magic moment my Mom Radar happens to kick in and I suddenly have that gut instinct that one of the kids is just about to yell out Mooooooooom! all smooching comes to a halt and I switch on my super mom hearing and Shhhhh!!! the other half so I can listen out. No matter how many Honey the kids are sleeping, they are fine he tries to tell me, I’ll be waiting to hear the call. You can bet your ass they do and I have no idea how I manage it, but somehow I can throw a grown man off the bed and race in there faster than Speedy Gonzales panting and checking the room inch by inch for an intruder. What’s the matter? What do you need? Are you ill? Is everything ok?! Oh. Bad dream? Awww here, have a hug, let’s talk about something cheery, there you go, night night. Somehow, I go back into my room expecting the other half is still rearing to go when I get back. As if. I may as well have mentioned his mother. (Note: this amazing hearing also works, when you manage to hear the neighbors slam their door and urge your other half to check out the noise just in case it was someone breaking into your house. The neighbors door people. Do you see how amazing this hearing is?)

I can also have entire conversations without saying a word to my children, something that all mothers are required to possess. This is useful in public, while talking on the phone and it takes some practise being able to have the maddest face ever and still managing a sweet calm voice. Entirely via body language and face expressions, I can tell my kids that if they aren’t going to behave in exactly 1 second, they are going to be in the biggest trouble they have ever seen in their life by the time we get home, or I am off the phone. Normally, there is a huge lecture later on when ask them (again) why they insist on doing this to me every single time we’re out or I’m on the telephone, and why can’t they just behave like they are supposed to. I’m also sure there’s a bit about when I was a kid thrown in there for good measure.

The mind of a mother is a dangerous and highly strung place to be indeed, one best left unexplored for those outside the mind of one. There’s no need to go trying to figure us out, since well, it would take far too long to completely explain our reasons and logic behind things, but it’s there and it does make perfect sense.

So to all of us in possession of the sick motherly mind, I truly feel your pain. Yet we stand proud, united, bound together by simple experience and abilities to glare like no body’s business. There’s no other like a mother, just add coffee.

*Note: the picture I used came from this site.

17 Responses to “The sick mind of a mother”

  1. Raising Z says:

    I am the mother of an almost 3 year old (and have one on the way) and I can really identify with this post. I have not acquired all of my "mothering super powers" but I am always in awe when a new one pops in. This was a great post. Happy Sharefest Saturday…I'm the post below you on SITS today 🙂

  2. Jaque Macpherson says:

    Stopping by from SITS to wish you a great weekend!!

  3. stone hunter says:

    lol you go Mesina. Brilliantly insightful, as usual.


  4. Eva Gallant says:

    What a great post! Loved it….so true!

  5. Cheyenne says:

    "…dinner is totally screwed now thanks." Hahaha!

    And just out of curiosity, amidst the poignancy of your post I am left wondering, why must you actually throw said man off the bed? Can he not roll over? He must love that.


  6. Kim says:

    Great post, I stop in my tracks when I hear my mom's voice coming out of my body it is the strangest thing. Hope you are having a great weekend.

  7. The Redhead Riter says:

    "smacked her head on the floor"

    I cringed when I read that, but could relate with what came out of your mouth next.

    visiting from SITS

  8. Mesina says:

    Thanks all for the feedback!
    Z- just wait as those kids grow your Mommy powers will soar!
    Jess – thanks, so glad you enjoyed it!
    Eva – haha, I had to write it, in all it's truth and glory 🙂
    Cheyenne – Well I never intend to actually throw him off the bed, but Mommy superpowers dictate a strength unlike any other – it's a case of not realising the force you use just to get your ass to those babies! Besides, it's totally hot xx
    Kim – hearing my mother in me in more than strange, it's dead scary!
    Redhead – Honest, she only fell onto a bit of carpet and no damage was done! More ego than head injury – but I so get cringing….I hate seeing kids get hurt! x

  9. Debbie says:

    I love this post! I can agree on all fronts – especially the entire conversation without speaking. And I really don't think fathers have that ability.

  10. Tania @ Larger Family Life says:

    Excellent post! I know exactly what you mean about scanning a room. And where oh where do all the imagined scenarios actually come from?! I never knew I was so imaginative!

  11. Angela says:

    Your blog is wonderful! I love the layout, love the blurb about you, love the post content, love it, love it, love it! I found you via SITS and I'm so glad I did! I became a follower and a Networked Blogs follower too! I honestly cannot wait until I have a few minutes to read more of your entries! This one was written so well! I myself am not a mother, but you gave me little insight with some comedic flair at the same time, which I have to say is a rockin' combination!

    Happy blogging!

    Angela from Angela's Soliloquy

    PS-I love the UK too, and I so want to go there like you cannot believe, so it will be fun to get the inside scoop on the life of real Brit! 🙂

  12. Doodles says:

    SITS Love Stopping by. I completely get the Mommy hearing as well as that Mommy look. What's even funnier my 3 yr old gives the look to her Daddy when he is driving her crazy. (very sarcastic house)


    eventually … we ALL turn into our mothers. it is inevitable. i remember as a kid getting hurt and KNOWING it was not going to be nurtured but reminded how my mother told my lame brain self to stop flipping around on that swing like a monkey. oh my! too funny!

  14. Millennium Housewife says:

    That was a really well written, interesting and funny post. Excellent, cheers!

  15. Stereos and Souffles says:

    I was at the aquarium in GA over the weekend and a little boy (maybe 1 or 1/2) was horsing around on the stairs near me and I could just tell he was going to get hurt. His dad tried to tell him and when it finally happened I heard his dad say while he was hugging him, didn't I tell you if you didn't stop you were going to get hurt. Then three seconds later when the boy was fine he made a bee line and raced out of the room with his father chasing behind him. Since I'm not a parent, I found it all slightly amusing.

  16. Brilliant, Miss Messy, just brilliant. So on the money. I’m planning to unveil my secret superhero identity via blog someday and will be sure to give you and this post a shout out when I do!
    Babes about Town´s last blog post ..Top 10 Gifts for Babies

  17. Thank you for says:

    %BLOGTITLE%? Thumbs up! This totally makes sense to me. Thanks a lot and by the way why dont you also check out the Thank you for probably you will also be interested into it

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