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Pick it up, or the bear gets it

That’s right, I’m holding him hostage and I’m not releasing him until I have some answers, TODAY.

All you Mom’s out there can relate with the scene I’m about to unfold, you’ve all been there and I say we take a stand right now and find out what’s going on before we are all driven into straight jackets.

Imagine it…..
It’s cleaning time, you pep talk yourself and go over everything in your head of what needs to be done today. Kitchen, dishes, scrub floors, wipe off counters, vacuum the living room, tackle that endless magical laundry pile that never seems to get any smaller….. you know what I’m talking about. So you organise the kids, you pick the longest kid film in human existence to keep them occupied while you crack out your MP3 player (if you remembered to charge it) and get busy on the dirt. You either a) announce you are cleaning to the kids ”ALRIGHT! I’m cleaning now just sit here and watch this film and for the love of the Gods DON’T tick each other off!” or b) sneak out quietly hoping that they won’t notice you’ve gone to clean and maybe, just maybe you’ll get a little longer before the juice requests come rolling in.

You are now in the zone, somewhat happy if you have that MP3 player to drown out the screams for help where you left the kids fighting and kicking each other for ”their” part of the sofa. Almost happy if you forgot to charge the damn thing but in your head you got a song goin’ on. One that you re-sing the chorus to 10 million times over between the ”Leave your sister alone!” shouts that you do automatically to keep the peace (we all know it doesn’t do a damn thing but hey….denial is everything). Somewhere after a hundred thousand ”I want Juice” requests, 4 apples, 3 bags of chips, is it lunch time yet questions answered and the odd attempt at money begging you finally have a kitchen that even your Mother in law would be proud of. You stand, for just that moment soaking it in, enjoying each little twinkle that the sunlight casts on it, savoring every bleach smellin moment and then you decide to tackle the next room on the list.

After the next room is done you return to the kitchen, as you approach you can already hear Angelic music coming from this room of utter perfection that you just scrubbed. You walk in, you cast your eyes on it’s gleaming loveliness….but wait…what’s this? Despite the fact that you just fed, juiced and snacked up your kids there seem to be dishes on the counter, empty packets strewn near the garbage can in some half ass attempt to throw them away (at least you hope that was the aim) and god knows what smeared on the fridge door. You march straight into the living room, someone has to own up. Protests are already coming out, apparently no one went in there, no one had anything, they’ve all been here watching that epic long film you put on. Filthy lies.

You walk out of a semi normal living room only to go and clean up said crap in kitchen. Upon your return (of which is only around 10 minutes later) they’ve trashed the joint. DS paraphernalia is strewn around making the place look like a drug house, not just toys are out…oh no they broke out the big guns baby…lego…is…everywhere. Naked dolls are lying there mortified, their pretty little dresses somehow managed to get thrown on top of the tv and a half missing tea set is on the coffee table with juice streaming down from one of the cups which somebody tipped over.

Yet no one is playing with anything, they are all just sitting there watching that damn movie you stuck on. By this time your MP3 player had come off when you saw the kitchen…you heard nothing. You didn’t hear a soul walk in or out of this room and let’s face it, you possess the ability to hear a friggin mouse fart. You begin to interrogate your 2 year old, surely she hasn’t learned to lie yet, Who did this? Who was it? WHO ARE YOU WORKING FOR?!?! She stands there staring at you like you’re speaking Japanese, blinking, old enough to work out there is no right answer here. For the first time all day, everyone is silent. After a long pause, seeing your red face and watery eyes the eldest one musters up the guts to break the tension ”Uhhh Mom…we’re trying to watch a movie”

Are you serious?!

Are they hiring ninjas to sneak in and screw the place up or what? I wouldn’t put it past them, I have no idea how much birthday money they all could have had between them. How is it that nothing and I do mean NOTHING gets past me, no child could possibly breathe without me hearing it and yet I have no idea how crap gets in the room. It’s a conspiracy to drive me insane and now that I’ve taken a bear hostage, I’m pretty sure it’s working. I say we club together here, I’m not saying that no kid can never make another mess, all I want to know is who is behind this? What super secret CIA training are they getting to screw with my head like this?

Let us not even contemplate when your other half gets home, after you’ve cleaned the house only to have it destroyed again and after having done a zillion errands, none of which were yours, he looks around the place and smiles at you saying ”Sooo, what did you do today?”

I…give…up.

I rip a stitch from the bear every hour until my demands are met. I want answers, today, right now…no excuses. Don’t make me de-stuff an innocent victim… you have 12 hours.

44 Responses to “Pick it up, or the bear gets it”

  1. Antidote says:

    *offers some cookies*
    Sometimes… (Thou I live alone) I think a ninja visits my flat and
    makes it chaotic right after I have cleaned it… Maybe it's the same guy
    that visits your place. Hmm.. If you catch him, poke him in the eye.

    *hugs*

  2. stone hunter says:

    "Naked dolls are lying there mortified"

    "You begin to interrogate your 2 year old, surely she hasn't learned to lie yet"

    O my god you are funny Mesina. And I have to admit it is really validating to know that your wonderful children are as strange and slippery as my wonderful children once were. Now that they're adults though, it's a bit disconcerting to realize that my house is still a mess. Can I still blame them?

    Jess

  3. Dawna says:

    OMG…I so live in the chaos you describe!!! I find some comfort in knowing that my kids are well within the range of "normal" when it comes to this issue. 🙂

  4. Cheyenne says:

    apparently no one went in there, no one had anything, they've all been here watching that epic long film you put on. Filthy lies.

    This brought the first smile to my face in four days.

    a half missing tea set is on the coffee table with juice streaming down from one of the cups which somebody tipped over.

    This brought me a great deal of pain.

    I can relate, though it is isn't so much the kids messing the house up as me just *imagining* how it starts slipping the moment I've hung up my Swiffer.

    You are hilarious, scary lady. xoxo

  5. mub says:

    The worst part about this is I have -no- children and suffer from the same thing! Last night the house looked great… and less than 12 hours later?! Explosions!!! I think you're onto something with the ninjas 😉

  6. Peterson Family says:

    As soon as one room is clean, three others are dirty. It's a never-ending struggle. The only time we get them clean and they stay clean is while the kids are at school. After school, it goes right back to disaster area!

    (Stopping by from SITS!)

  7. OH, I love you! I only have one 13 month old, but I babysit a 3 year old and I still feel like this every single day! How does it happen? My son can’t even take dishes out of the cupboards but they still end up all over the house anyway!

    Bravo!
    .-= Erica @ The Bird Nest´s last blog ..Sibling Revenge =-.

  8. Oh it is never ending – I tell you!
    .-= cat@juggling act´s last blog ..Chaos =-.

  9. They better come clean before you take it out on that cute bear! How funny! That would be so discouraging! Why are little kids such slobs??

    Congrats on your SITS day?
    .-= Karen & Gerard Zemek´s last blog ..Gerard’s Five Top Passions (Writer’s Workshop) =-.

  10. It seems to happen at my house over night.
    .-= JDaniel4’s Mom´s last blog ..Shearing or Plucking A Sheep =-.

  11. I feel terrible for the poor bear! That kind of clean up is so frustrating – I only have the one kid and a dog and neither can keep their toys picked up.
    .-= Joey @ Big Teeth & Clouds´s last blog ..Why I’m still not ready for kindergarten =-.

  12. Sandy says:

    This is my life! I am currently sitting here reading your blog to completely avoid the mess that is behind me. There is really no point in cleaning it up, because it will look like this again by the end of the day I.Give.Up.
    .-= Sandy´s last blog ..MuffinTin Monday-{Mostly} Yellow =-.

  13. Katie L. says:

    Oh. My. Goodness. It’s stories like this that make me feel better about them happening at my house! 🙂 I always thought I was the only one. Thanks for the laughs this morning and Happy SITS Day!!!!

  14. Genius! I love the way you write. I’ve had a shitty week and this has raised the first smile, actually it got me actually laughing, an achievement I can tell you.

  15. Cole says:

    This was hysterical – too funny! Happy SITS day!
    .-= Cole´s last blog ..One Lovely Blog =-.

  16. Tonya Riggs says:

    That is way funny!!!! I’m sure ninja’s were involved…they are always involved! Happy SITS day!!
    .-= Tonya Riggs´s last blog ..Friday Fill Ins – March 12 =-.

  17. joann mannix says:

    Hello, from one writer girl to another!

    Happy SITS day!

    Gaaaa! I know exactly what you mean! No one does anything in my house. The empty cookie boxes in the pantry that would have taken a miniscule of effort to throw away? Nobody left it there. The wet towels on the floor? Nobody. The trashed rooms? Nobody. I’m thinking of having a fourth child and naming it Nobody, so I have someone to blame for all the mess!
    .-= joann mannix´s last blog ..Lessons I Am Learnin’ You Today—You Are Welcome =-.

  18. Marie Cole says:

    Wow, I don’t know how you do it, that would surely make me MAD (crazy)!
    .-= Marie Cole´s last blog ..When Size Matters… =-.

  19. Young Wife says:

    Hilarious post! Stopping by from SITS.

  20. for that i have to say…were you in my house? after…amen sister! amen!
    .-= a thorn among roses´s last blog ..it’s a total battlefield… =-.

  21. Aleta says:

    *snort laughter* OMG, that was hilarious! Brought back memories of when I was a little girl. Mom would have punished me and my brother – she wouldn’t have waited for who was guilty. LMAO
    .-= Aleta´s last blog ..Mama Kat’s Prompt for the Week =-.

  22. Kathleen says:

    This brings back so many “fond” memories of raising 5 kids. Thanks for making me laugh today.

    Oh, and happy SITS day too!

  23. Kerri says:

    Too much! Great idea though! I only have one child, so it’s pretty much a non-issue, although we do have 2 dogs he may try to blame…
    Happy SITS day!

  24. Carrie says:

    ROFLMAO!! That is priceless! And while I don’t encounter this scenario QUITE yet, I expect it will be my lot in life soon.

    Poor teddy…I hope someone copped a plea bargin to save his fuzzy soul

    Happy SITS day!
    .-= Carrie´s last blog ..Mabel’s Labels BlogHer ’10 Contest =-.

  25. Heather says:

    At least you have the children to blame and point fingers at. I can do the same with the cats and dog, but I’m pretty sure they aren’t the ones that piled on that laundry on the bedroom floor.

    {sigh}

    Happy SITS day!
    .-= Heather´s last blog ..A New Life’s resolution – Day #51 (Occupational) =-.

  26. Rebekah C says:

    OMG I Love this post! I know exactly what you mean! I actually have a ninja child! She can sneak away with Daddy’s (very expensive) cell phone and dunk it in the toilet before anyone even knows she’s been in the room! (That incident is a true story and the cell phone was sitting right next to my leg…until she brought it to me wrapped in a towel, proudly explaining that it was dirty and she gave it a bath…she’s 2, incidentally).

    Love the bear idea!
    .-= Rebekah C´s last blog ..Stop Feeding the Babies on Camera, You Dirty Womenz, You! =-.

  27. zeemaid says:

    *LOL* All moms can so relate to that. I dread the fifty juice and snacks requests every day!!! Great post.

    happy SITS day!
    .-= zeemaid´s last blog ..The Relatives are Here! =-.

  28. Megan says:

    LMAO!! I think, for me, my husband is the culprit of all the messes in my house!…or maybe it’s the dog…who knows, but I know that sometimes I’d rather not clean at all. :0P
    .-= Megan´s last blog ..Twin Baby Moose =-.

  29. That’s freaking hilarious. Did the bear make it?

  30. Mimi says:

    Ugh, my boys are 14 & 18 & I still get the trails of crap all over the house. I am weak and broken. Usually I just retreat to a quiet area & twitch. *sigh*
    .-= Mimi´s last blog ..Random Dozen =-.

  31. Kimberly says:

    I believe you have taken all the tormenting thoughts straight from my head and put them to paper (internet) Please, please, please….for the love of all that is sacred….give me the answer. I have “given up” for a time, and no one noticed they were living in filth….how is that right???? The only time they care is when they cant find clean underware………..~sigh~

  32. That was HILARIOUS! All the more so because my Theo has a bear that looks just like that one. Hmmmm… *cue evil-looking raised eyebrow*
    .-= Single Mama NYC´s last blog ..The Pleasure Principle =-.

  33. sarah baron says:

    Hmmm…. torturing the stuffed animal. That’s a new approach. For me, it is the threat that whatever is left on the floor will make its way into the trash. (However, I’m a complete wimp. I don’t think I’ve ever followed through – because they’ve always picked up at that threat.)

    Enjoy your day.

    Sarah Baron

  34. Jill says:

    That’s funny! Happy SITS day…you deserve it. Have a great weekend reveling in your notoriaty! 🙂

  35. Laura Cancun says:

    Oooh I need to send this to my mom! We totally used “Mommy, we’re trying to watch a movie!”
    .-= Laura Cancun´s last blog ..Feliz Cumpleaños, George! =-.

  36. Boy, isn’t this the truth – nobody admits to nothin’.
    .-= Kim @ Cheap Chic Home´s last blog ..A Bit of Easter-fying =-.

  37. I am so glad to hear my son isn’t the only one who can do this. Before I even managed to get out of bed this morning he had the place inside out and upside down!

    Happy SITS Day!

    Cheers 🙂
    – CoconutPalmDesigns
    .-= CoconutPalmDesigns´s last blog ..The Martini and The Sailboat =-.

  38. I love the way you write about life as a mom… great post. I wish you the best of luck as you add to your family! Happy SITS Day. If you ever want some tips on organizing… stop by and say hi!
    .-= Christie Love´s last blog ..Friday Five: Five Routines Every Mom Needs =-.

  39. Liska says:

    ”Sooo, what did you do today?”
    I get this every day ………

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