Don’t you dread it? The day the letter comes through the post or that phone call happens that says it’s time to make an appointment to see your gynecologist.
I mean there’s so...
Some body’s been screwing with my cosmic alignment.
I mean, there is no way this shit happens to other people.
It started with the freaking garbage men and ended with me hyperventilating. So...
Can you believe it’s Wednesday already?! Time flies when you’re having fun! I promise that the dust will be off the blog once again after today, since our guest from Holland is going home today and life will resume as per the normal once more. [insert chaos here]
Today I shall merely be posting our lovely winner for the month, since for the second week running no one sent in any questions (*gasp horror faint*) I’m really hoping this blog project leaps off in September when everyone gets back home off vacation, gets their kids back to school and pretty much gets more than five seconds on their PC’s again. It’s totally understandable and cool, so let’s all cross our fingers and toes that’s how it goes down.
But without further adeu, here is Augusts winner for the goody bag from Hotel Chocolat, which may or may not have some chocolates missing. I mean, what’s a girl to do when the need for chocolate arises and this bag is sitting in your house like calling out to you. I’m not talking about me. Um, crap. (Psst. Don’t worry, none are actually missing. But if there is it’s the postman’s fault. Jerk.)
Congrats Angelia and thank you so much for entering, you are simply amazing! I’ll have my people call your people and we’ll get the package sent over asap.
I’ll be announcing next month’s prize by Friday, so stay tuned to see what goodies are in store for next month’s Ask Me. And if you’re new around these here parts then I suggest you have a little look-see at this page to stop you from head scratching.
Hope you guys are having a fab mid week and I’ll be seeing you bright eyed and bushy tailed tomorrow when the Chaos sets in. I can’t promise my posts will make any sense, but at least I’ll be here. Wait, do my posts ever make any sense anyway?! Don’t answer that.
Get your questions in for next month (mesina@artisticallynuts.com). I’ve also got a bonus giveaway coming in the next few weeks, which should be fun so watch out for that too.
I know what you guys are thinking. You are all like What the hell Mesina? No posts since Wednesday and now you’re late on FYI? You better have a good excuse Missy! And here’s the part where I totally sound like a teenager explaining this to you. It’s not my fault. I’m innocent and you didn’t see nothing anyway!
The real deal is that we have a guest visiting from Holland and while I thought I would be super clever and get all my stuff done before Friday, it would seem I was not clever enough and actually take far more time ”doing stuff” than I realise. Which is funny since it’s something Maurice has been trying to point out for quite a long time now. Still, I’m not going to tell him that because that would give him the advantage point and there is no way in hell that’s happening. I’m a woman, I shall merely pretend this never took place.
So let’s not waste any time and get down and dirty on some FYI! Because we’re all pervs for info here right? Right. Got your geeky glasses on? Pocket protectors in place? Let’s nerd out Ya’ll.
So FYI
Bruce Lee was so fast, they had to slow the film down so you could see his moves.Holy. Freaking. Crap. You guys. So now comes the age old question that every guy would ask now. If Bruce Lee and Chuck Norris, had a full on ninja ass kicking fight, who would win? They don’t slow down the film for Chuck Norris you know. Bruce Lee is pretty much like a ninja on Red Bull. Which I would think in the world of Kung-Fu ninja stuff is pretty good. Either way they both sort of look constipated to me when they fight. Maybe that’s a girl thing?
It’s said that Charlie Chaplin once entered a Charlie Chaplin look-a-like contest and came in 3rd.Probably one of the most famous myths surrounding the film star, which could indeed be quite true. Could you imagine winning 3rd prize at your own look-a-like contest? Like who the hell would look more like you than you?! Is that possible, cos that’s sorta psyching me out to be honest. Like somewhere in the world someone looks more like me than me. What if it’s an evil twin? What if I’m the evil twin?! I think I need to go speak to my parents about this…..it’s turning into a twilight zone episode.
The glue on Israeli postage is certified Kosher. Wait hold on a second. You mean to tell me that in other parts of the world the glue is NOT Kosher? Does anybody know what the hell is in the glue in other places?! Also, what is Kosher glue?! I’m really freaking concerned now. You know what? I’m just going to keep to stickers. Yep, sticker postage stamps and those sticky envelopes that you don’t have to lick. Now I don’t have to worry about weird stuff in my glue, I really need to figure out what’s in there. It’s going to bother me for the rest of the year now.
Sherlock Holmes never said ”Elementary, my dear Watson.” Never uttered that phrase in any one of the Sherlock Holmes books. Ever. This is how rumors get started you guys. This is why so many people think that Holmes and Watson were a couple, because what guy would call another guy Dear in the first place unless they were a couple? Besides, everyone knows Sherlock would never date someone from work. He was way too smart for that. Jeezus people should really read first before misquoting stuff. Wait, apparently he DID call him ”my dear Watson” in one of the books, he just never said that full quote! Oh. My. Gawd. Cutest couple EVER! But Sherlock, you really shouldn’t date guys from work. That’s so unprofessional.
The dot over the letter ”i” is called a tittle. I dare you not to laugh reading that. Just try not to think of some little kid looking straight at his Mom’s chest saying is that your tittles? You know what? I am so going to slip that word into a conversation somewhere and use my very best poker face while saying it. Don’t you just wish you could do that and take a picture of the person your talking to’s face and post it up on the Internet at some weird site called www.tittle.com? Or is that just me?
Well I hope you all have a wonderful weekend, whatever you’re doing. But if you get bored and want to start an argument between guys for your own sick entertainment, all you need to do is bring up the whole Bruce Lee and Chuck Norris scenario and sit back to watch the convo. It could be interesting, but please do the considerate thing and video it to post up here and share it with the rest of us. I mean, I know I would.
Did you just see Bruce move right there? Watch again. Did you see it? Holy ninja crap you even need to slow down pictures he's so fast.
Obviously Bruce Lee can so take him. It’s not rocket science you guys.
Well, it’s Wednesday already. Are we all feeling the mid week hump yet, or are your days running into each other like mine? I had to actually double check it really was Wednesday. It was like I woke up and didn’t believe myself or something. Yeah, I’m so not trustworthy.
This is the first week I’ve not actually had any questions!
I mean, honestly no one sent in any questions this week. So either all the rest of you hate chocolate, OR everyone is on vacation in Egypt without me. Or maybe in Mexico getting drunk with Paco, living it up on tacos and tequila. Damnit. I bet the weather in Mexico is a lot better than here in the UK, where we are predicted nothing but rain and gloom from now until winter. Pfft. We were totally robbed of summer, when summer crammed itself into like three weeks and then went there ya go England, happy now?! Jerk face summer.
So with having no questions this week, I thought what the hell am I gonna do now? Then it came to me, sort of like a cross between a burnt out light bulb and a wimpy bolt of lightening, I was struck with an idea. Because duh I’m a genius you guys. I’ve had all sorts of people saying to me in total secret I have some questions for your Ask Me stuff, but um, I’m way too shy to ask. Which actually makes me wonder if the questions are like majorly personal and need cream, or if I know like a hundred shy people. Entirely possible either way.
So here’s the deal this week. I’m going to ask a few questions, and whoever posts me some answers in the comments section will get entered into the prize draw for some scrummy chocolate. So I suppose it’s like Ask Me in reverse. This could get interesting. So here we go…..
Is it ok to use my awesome mind powers to damage my dog’s voice box? I mean that’s like not inhumane right? Because I’m not even sure what’s going to happen if she keeps barking.
Why is it that if subtitles are turned on, I can’t stop myself staring at the freaking subtitles even though everyone is speaking English? It’s actually pissing me off.
Is God punishing me when I walk down the street and the only stranger to check me out in five months is a dude in his 70′s with no teeth wearing a trench coat in summer? I’m sorry God, I still don’t know what I did wrong.
So there you go, three questions that have been bugging me for weeks now. You don’t have to answer all three to be entered, just one will do. As I stated on the prize giveaway, international entries are most welcome so there is no reason you can’t get your hands on some chocolate.
Next week is the final Ask Me week for August so send in those questions for another chance to win (yes you can enter twice!) and get your blog promoted (or just yourself if you don’t have a blog). I will be annoucing the winner of August’s prize in next weeks post too!
This post has far too much caffeine and probably only makes sense to women. Just sayin’.
Things are getting a little crazy.
The kind of crazy that only occurs during school holiday times. That crazy, that makes you think you’re going crazy, but you end up feeling bad for feeling crazy, but if you pretty much talk to any other Mom things are crazy for them too.
But it’s been extra crazy since the weather has pretty much sucked and the kids are totally hyped up on indoor vibes and driving each other to their wits end and doing creepy things like stalking Mommy at the PC. Let’s just get this straight – Mommy busies herself entertaining kids and cleaning house for most of the day, but then the kids end up getting into their own playtime activities and Mommy thinks ok, I’ll just do what I need at the PC for like half and hour and…..where did this kid come from and why is he staring at me with a Cheshire cat like grin, holy shit what did he just do?! Nothing apparently. But like the minute Mommy sits down at the PC he just remembered he was terribly bored and needs the computer like right now or else he will blow up his little sister who is now booking in her PC time with I want the puter after Brother has his turn, then it’s MY turn okay? Right Mommy? OKAY? After explaining to them that I just want half an hour, because the baby is sleeping, I then get kids coming up to me every 3 seconds chatting away about I have absolutely no idea. They have had approximately twenty five opportunities before I sat down to talk to me, but no. It’s much better conversation when I’m attempting to do something.
So I gave up. Strictly PC time for Mommy when the kids go to bed. Except, I have a teenager who apparently has vampire friends that only come out at night and if she doesn’t get on the PC and talk to them or play World of Warcraft she is going to scream becauseshe never gets the PC why are you making my life hell?! Then suddenly we get the argument that like all of her friends have their own laptops and how come she doesn’t and also World of Warcraft is way more important than Blogging, so like she wins. Um, if anyone is getting a laptop here it’s Mom. That way I can freaking blog in the bathroom in peace. Now I’m not a Mom that gives in at the first hurdle, but seriously these guys are wearing me down to a point that it’s crazy. I was already pretty much on the edge anyway.
Saturday we invited actual adults over to BBQ to help us cope with the summer holiday fun, except that it starting raining again, so we did things that were most likely illegal in order to BBQ. In the end it all worked out and we had awesome food and adult conversations. Which was just in time, because I think I had started to talk to Maurice in a baby voice and recapped shit like what Dora the Explorer had been up to that day. Apparently Maurice doesn’t give a rat’s ass about what Swiper had been swiping. For the record neither do I but I am so dragging you down with me Maurice. We are in this shit together.
Sunday I was like Honey these kids seriously need to get the freak out of the house today. He took one look at me and was like Ok, ok, just put the knife down. Then proceeded to tell me he already had planned to take us all to the cinema and then I reveled in the fact that I had an awesome man who keeps me off medication.
But no matter how much you do with the kids, if there is like a 10 minute opening in the day where nothing is happening, they seem to fill that gap with shouting, ninja jumps and explosives. Which would all be totally worth it if they were willing to write a science essay on the effects of explosives in a confined area, but it seems that’s just way too much work. Pfft. You guys are never going to get a job this way.
So uh, in case you were wondering what the hell happened to FYI Saturday, this would be it. I promise to hijack the PC and totally write one for this week. Also, if I go missing suddenly I’d like someone to call out the fire department to make sure the explosives didn’t demolish the house.
Please request they come with their shirts off, I deserve that at least.
OMFG. Please tell me someone else finds this commercial disturbing.
I couldn’t find it in English. But today I was having some quality evening time cuddling with the kids watching T.V. and this freakin’ commercial came and whacked me upside the head. My daughter looked at me and was all He drinks water and then peeeeeeeeeeeees. She now wants a Pipi Max 2 of her very own to pee all over my house.
Um excuse me, but who the hell needs a toy dog that cocks his leg to pee?! Does anybody else see how sick this is?! Why don’t they just go ahead and make him hump your leg too. omg.
Do you know how flipped off I would be if my daughter got her toy dog to pee on my leg?! This is just weird. I mean, I barely accept that they have dolls that can pee, kids have vivid enough imaginations that they can pretend that they pee ok? That’s the whole beauty of imagination. Toy companies are just ruining it for kids.
Obviously the people working at the toy companies are not Mom’s who have to clean up after these stupid toys. I think they are all run by single Uncles with no kids.
Memo to the toy companies: Stop making shit pee and start making it last.
Ask Me. Get promoted. Win stuff.
