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My superhero cape has holes

It seems that I can’t run faster than a speeding bullet, nor can I fight crime bosses in a single blow. Also, I’m pretty sure I can’t move entire buildings with my super awesome mind powers either. In fact I’m dead positive I don’t have super awesome mind powers.

I wouldn’t look half as hot in a superhero suit as Wonder Woman did, how did she ever make American star covered briefs look good anyway? That is not normal. Not once did her boobs fall out of that strapless top either while she leaped and fought her way to superhero heroism, which in itself would be a wonder feat. My boobs would just leap out at the first opportunity just to get back at me for having three kids eating off them and there is no way those babies would stay perky doing it. The best trick they can do anymore is just give you a little nipple action when it’s cold, which is still pretty hot, just not half as hot as staying inside a strapless top while fighting crime.

I’d also have a toddler strapped to one leg as I fought my way into the evil Boss’ lair and an 8 year old behind me trying to whack his sister off my leg, you know just to tick her off not at all to help Mommy. Somehow that doesn’t seem very scary to the Boss I’m trying to crack down. In fact I’d break in like this and probably have to ask him to give me a minute while I turned over to the other two and say under my breath ”Do you two honestly mind!? Mommy is really busy right now trying to crack down on this evil boss which is really important! Now SHUSH!” Again I stress, not very heroic.

I also imagine that superheros never struggle to get out of bed at 7am with morning breath sporting a bedhead. Nor do they need coffee to get their super juices flowing, I bet they just grab a super healthy fruit salad with yogurt and a green tea or some crap. Superheros definitely don’t eat cookies for breakfast and they remember to take their vitamins every day. They never run out of energy by 10am and certainly never fall asleep on the sofa slumped over like a big heap of goo. They also get their houses clean in 4.3 seconds on top of keeping their secret lairs in tip top condition. Unlike me who never seems to ever be done doing laundry and I don’t even have a secret lair, cos if I did I’m pretty sure I’d move into it.

Superheros are never broke, they have the powers to not only fight crime and save lives but also hold down really powerful well paying jobs to support their hi-tech lairs and crime busting lifestyles. I don’t even know what it’s like to not feel broke, because even when I have money someone else wants it. The only hi-tech item we got for our not so secret lair at home was a Blu-ray player and we were so stoked about it we ran off and phoned all our friends to blurt out ”OH MAH GAWD!!! WHOOOO!!! HI QUALITY DVD BABY!” It was like the most awesome thing we had purchased, ever. Less superhero and more supersado.

It also seems to me that superheros never forget things, like to go to doctors appointments, call friends back or worst of all, set out to buy one vital important item, spend £100 on everything EXCEPT the one item you set out to buy. Superheros never do stupid crap like that, whereas I have the memory of a goldfish and can forget things at the drop of a hat. I’ve even set out with a shopping list and forgot stuff that was on it, yes that was on it. It’s so much worse when I’m tired, which renders me completely useless at doing anything at all.

So ok, my superhero cape has a few holes, but this morning I totally had my superhero moment lying in bed with the blankets pulled up to my face half asleep, when my sweet loving man sat down gently next to me and said ”Honey, could you possibly do me a favor? Could you pretty please iron my work clothes?” I came down to see he had actually attempted to do it himself so as not to wake me, but ran out of time and seriously could not manage getting the job done before he had to leave. Only I possessed the superpowers awesome enough to iron those work clothes in time. (Flex) I was more than happy to oblige (he does not usually make such requests) albeit with a grunt and a half cocked nod as I agreed. Work clothes ironed, man left in perfect state smelling sexy and looking damn good. Mission accomplished.

So it seems in spite of my lack of superpowers, I am still a superwoman in the eyes of one loving man. But I had my heroic moment this morning totally sporting that bedhead and morning breath, take that Wonder Woman!

10 Responses to “My superhero cape has holes”

  1. Michele says:

    Holes? What holes? You're doing a great job as a wife and mother! Besides, while TV/movie/comic superheroes may not be changing diapers and managing appointments and doing what we consider to be mundane, the fact that we accomplish so much while juggling it all is heroic. Besides, don't you think you are a hero in your children's eyes? And your husband's? Don't sell yourself short. While our lives may not be great TV material (only the really out-there families qualify for that, like the ones that make it on those so-called "reality" shows), we are still saving the world for someone every day. So wear your virtual cape with pride!

  2. Tania @ Larger Family Life says:

    But were you wearing your star spangled underwear?! It's ok, you don't need to answer that. Really.

  3. Eva Gallant says:

    An awesome post! Loved it! You go, girl!

  4. R. Wallis @ TrueBeauty says:

    Just stopping by from SITS! Great Blog! Oh, to be Wonder Woman….I'm more like the creative but accident prone step sister 🙂
    Happy Wednesday!
    Come over and check out my 5 DAYS of GIVE-A-WAYS!
    http://truebeautyinsideandout.blogspot.com

  5. Cheyenne says:

    Christ Almighty. Your superpowers just included saving a life, I'm so not kidding. I have never laughed so hard in all my 49 years. Griffin whacking Willow off your leg just to tick her off, not to help you, cost me like 16 minutes of breath. I hadn't spoken to a soul in almost a week until Debe lost her baby, and you know how you don't even comprehend your own grief when you're helping someone? I comprehended it last night and I had no idea how I was to face another day of collecting meals and cards of condolence for my precious friends until I read your post. I laughed, which got my blood moving, which reminded me, I'm half Superwoman on my mom's side. I love you so much it's crazy, and would totally beat Maurice's ass to the ground but he's too pretty so instead we can be Big Love. Um, but I don't iron.

    Thank you for being you. You could never know the light you bring to my life. I'm shutting up before I get all woo-woo. <3

  6. One Sassy Girl says:

    Oh hubby, I have such a crush on him even when he wakes you to do his laundry.

    If I were a super hero, my super human power would be tanning and ordering Starbucks drinks in rapidfire.

    Super heroes we are not, but super fab? I'd say so.

  7. SPEAKING FROM THE CRIB says:

    moms are definitely superheroes whether anyone thinks so or not. yesterday my son announced that dad had to go to work every day and he had to go to school every day and i was the only one who got every day off. ohhhhh son!

    http://www.speakingfromthecrib.com/

  8. Lani says:

    I agree, all mom are superheroes… but if my husband woke me to ask me to iron his workclothes, he might get a whack with a pillow.

  9. Mesina says:

    Tania, for the record…I wasn't even wearing underwear. Oh yeah, totally hot.

    Thanks to everyone for the feedback by the way! I have to agree with you guys, Moms are Superheros everyday, what we do, clean, put up with and still manage to have a hint of sanity left (I said hint people) is more awesome than ever getting to leap over a building in a single bound. Respect to us Mommy's!

    Lani, he nearly did get a whack with the pillow…but he never ever asks me to and his clothes were so wrinkled I had to. Here in the UK, they are obsessed with ironing, like everything. It's creepy.

    Chey, I love you too, in fact, hell, let's get married. xxx

  10. Simply-Mel says:

    Oh man, this post just made my day! You are too funny! Hooray for SuperHero Knickerless Moms!

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