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It was never about the Ethiopian kids was it?

You know how you just make that transition into adulthood and while you are busy checking out how freaking awesome being an adult is, you also bit by bit realise that your parents were dirty filthy rotten liars?

Yeah.

It starts with Santa Claus really. After years of being led into a false sense of security that some Christmas super hero was out there bringing all the toys to little children all over the world, you get to that Christmas when either some crappy kid at school was like Santa isn’t real you baby! Your parents put those presents in your stocking! HAHA! or you actually catch your parents in the act and try to reason to yourself that maybe Santa caught that flu bug that’s been going around and your parents are just the fill in’s. However, after the trauma you realise, quite a lot of other people were in on this lie too so, maybe you can forgive your parents. Maybe. So long as they buy that really cool toy you asked for.

But it doesn’t end at Santa. The Easter bunny, Tooth Fairy and your super rich Uncle Harry are all mythical beings now. Holy crap.

Then, your dog ”runs away”. Right. Apparently my Mom didn’t know where my dog had gone, ran away while I was gone and they tried so hard to find him and oh honey we are so sorry. There was a flaw in her evil plan however, because my dog ran away across the goddamn street to the neighbor lady who suddenly named my dog from Motley – (after Motley Crew dudes) to fucking Bo. Like I wouldn’t notice, you guys. She already had a little dog named Flossy, seriously. Uh Mom, sort of a big huge fail in your plan there. You need to work on the whole evil genius thing a little more.

Stop crossing your eyes or they are going to get stuck like that! Lie. I have no idea where that obscene T-shirt you bought a month ago went. Ah hem, lie. You just need to hold still honey and this won’t hurt at all. I did hold still and it still freaking hurt, liar. Well I saw you do it, I have eyes in the back of my head! You so do NOT! I will know when you are lying to me, so don’t even try it. Guess what? Nuh uh. Filthy, filthy lies.

Memo to Parents…your track record is starting to suck.

I pretty much made most of my revelations about my filthy lying parents. I’ve kinda been an adult for a while now so, you know, I was so over it. Until recently that is. All this crap came flooding back into some serious trauma when I made a huge revalation.

I am still freaking eating everything on my plate for the kids in Ethiopia.

Oh. My. God.

You see, apparently I was a really ungrateful child because whether or not I was done at dinner, had little to do with me being full, and more to do with whether or not the kids in Ethiopia were starving. As long as those kids were hungry, so was I. When my parents were giving me the whole You are so going to finish that, because there are kids in Ethiopia who would give their right arm to have that dinner and here you are wasting it! EAT! speech, I was sitting around being majorly concerned with why they weren’t eating and um, wouldn’t it be more logical to help them out and actually ship them my leftovers?!

How does me finishing this dinner help those kids out at all?! What kind of sick plan is this?!

They still haven’t explained this and uh also no kid is going to give their right arm for my leftover dinner actually. What kind of trade off is that?! What would I do with ONE right arm anyway?! You guys don’t even know what you’re talking about.

So now while I’m trying to figure out why my ass is way too huge right now, I’m starting to realise that I’m eating so that other kids can continue to starve, while we do nothing about it, but it keeps me from being an ungrateful dirtbag because at least I have food.

Great fucking plan you guys.

Mom, Dad, now that we are all adults can we be honest? It was never about the kids in Ethiopia was it? It’s ok, I mean, I’m not going to hold any grudges but um….

I’m sorta blaming you for my ass situation.

I’m also thinking I should send a whole lot of food over to Ethiopia, I owe some kids a lot of leftover dinners.

12 Responses to “It was never about the Ethiopian kids was it?”

  1. Eva Gallant says:

    I have a fat ass today for the same damned reason! I also had a two-piece bathing suit disappear into nowhere while home on break from college….Those lying parents!!!!
    Eva Gallant´s last blog post ..Disaster Protection Needs a Second Look!

    • mesina says:

      Your parents totally ninja’d your bathing suit?!?! The evilness! Eva, we gotta get these asses into gear and stop eating for the kids in Ethiopia. For reals. xx

      • Carly says:

        Entre las cosas que este ámbito depara, la mejor sin duda es la de haber permitido conocer personalmente a gente estupenda, entre los que estás tu en un lugar destacado, y es bueno simplemente por ser tu mismo: generoso, apasionado, cariñoso, solidario, entregado, comprensivo y amigo de tus amigos.Enhorabuena por tu cumple y por ser como eres, siempre acompañado por la mejor coaa1ñerm.&#a61;Hpsta el sábado!

  2. Larry Rivera says:

    I found this post funny as hell. My mom use to tell me that all the time..
    Larry Rivera´s last blog post ..Walt Disney Quote – Think-Believe-Dream-Dare

  3. Joy says:

    You just described my parents. I swear our parents must have gone to the same lying 101 class before they had us (except for the time our dog really did run away and I accused them of lying).
    Joy´s last blog post ..The College Fund in the Corner

    • mesina says:

      How weird would that be if they had?!?! Well, as much as I wish your parents weren’t like this, I am relieved other people had to suffer as I did. Those filthy liars! xx

  4. Nicki says:

    Wow…are we sisters? So, besides the Ethiopia thing (I got slapped when I answered, “then give them my fucking food!”) I can totally relate to the dog thing. This story is definately one for the books and my mom STILL holds the title of “Child-Heart-Stomper-of-the- Year” 30 years strong now.

    When I was 8, we had a dog “Duke”. One day (in the winter, no less), I came home from school and NO DUKE! I freaked. I called my mom at work because yes, at 8, I came home to an empty house daily.

    “Mom!!! Duke is missing!” (Crock tears and all).

    “What? What do you mean?”

    “He is gone!!!”

    “Nicki, he probably ran away again. He’ll be back.”

    “I am going to look for him!” And off I go into the snow for over an hour calling, “DUUUUUKKKKKE!!!!!!” Buried in snow taller than me, banging on doors, “have you seen a big black and brown dog?” I finally get home and she is…..on the phone with the dog pound asking if they picked up our dog. She hangs up and tells me that they have not seen him but promised to call if they do.

    I cried for 2 weeks until I realized that he was gone and prayed he was in a nice home and not frozen in the snow somewhere.

    FIVE (5! F-I-V-E!!!!!!) years later, she tells me that she had him put to sleep that day because he bit a neighbor and they were pressing charges.
    Nicki´s last blog post ..Share Your To-Do List!

  5. LMAO! Ha ha ha. I got the same line except my mother told me it was kids in China that were starving! She either failed the “lying to your kids” class or geography. And, what kind of crap were they giving us that we had to have a guilt trip before we could gag down the rest of our food? It’s a wonder we don’t all have eating disorders one way or another!

  6. I got the kids in China thing too. I also got the whole “all men are cheaters” and then my parents can’t figure out why my sister and I couldn’t find good guys. So, I blame my ass and bad relationships on my parents.
    Michelle Saunderson´s last blog post ..PssstDo You Have Any Phosphate- Looking for Contraband Phospate

  7. Lyman Leek says:

    It could remain a sign of an bad mind to have gotten them every.

  8. Dany says:

    Oh yeah? And did you feel like you were helping those poor kids out or did you just sit there wondering how the hell that was all relevant?! xx zombie games for kids online

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