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It seems my life lacks batteries. And sleep.

Out of juiceYou guys are going to have to forgive this post.

I’m writing this post in a serious state of sleep deprivation and a lethal amount of coffee in my system. In fact I think there is so much caffeine happening that it could probably keep a large gorilla going for the next week, at least. I am now wondering if that tenth cup was really the way forward…..

How many cups do you guys think qualifies as an overdose? 

Great, now I’m strung out and paranoid. This has all the makings of an after school special, which I’m pretty sure is not a good thing.

So I get to last night, to which everything had a plan and to which the Universe decided screw your plan lady, we have other plans. Before I knew it all the stuff I was supposed to be doing turned into playing nurse to my little boy….for the entire night. We had a sick party from 11.30pm till the crack of mutha freakin’ dawn. We’re hardcore like that. He ended up being incredibly sick and yet somehow managed to continue to be terribly cute in the process. How do the kids manage that anyway? I’m not entirely sure how they get to be cute sick little mini people when they are ill. Me on the other hand, less cute, more like Medusa meets the Exorcist. Not the most attractive image I have to say. I wonder what age I lost the ability to be cute while ill? I bet that’s not a milestone my parents remembered to jot down in my baby book. I must remember to guilt trip them later about that.

While today I actually had plans to be social and do awesome things, I’m instead indoors with sleep deprivation wondering why I have a serious lack of batteries in my life. Because obviously this is a life threatening problem that I should be bothering myself with right now. I’ve come to the conclusion that I have some weird aversion to buying them. My daughter, who is attempting to be really helpful and demanding at the same time, needed some AGAIN for the xbox remote (I swear I just replaced those ones) and we ended up scrounging all the remotes in the house to find two that worked like a couple of hobos. Then I realized that there are a great many things in my house that I need to get batteries for and yet I continue to avoid buying them.

I really need to address this fear of battery purchasing, it’s starting to inhibit my life.

I think it comes from the refusal to actually make the toys in this house electronic again because they all seem to go off at inappropriate moments waking children who should be sleeping up. Like when I’m meant to be playing Tooth Fairy and I’m wanting to be really silent and slip in like a pink fluffy ninja. Not to mention driving me into being mentally challenged during the day when they hit the same buttons over and over. Maybe I should consider hypnotherapy to work this out. Or perhaps I should consider investing in rechargeable batteries, which means only facing this fear ONCE to buy the damn things.

But then I think I’d just end up forgetting to recharge them or being super impatient when I needed them RIGHT THEN to settle world war 3 when the xbox remote isn’t working.

Screw it, I’m just raising my kids as Quakers now.

If any of this post made actual sense to you, I sympathize.  You too must be on the brink of a  nervous break down. I’d recommend the coffee to help you cope, but I’m pretty sure I’ve drunk it all and am currently seeing pretty colours in the midst of my zombie Mom mode.

Yeah it’s like that.

2 Responses to “It seems my life lacks batteries. And sleep.”

  1. Eva Gallant says:

    Get some batteries and put them in an adult toy—you’ll calm down from the caffeine in no time! And get a good night’s sleep, too.
    Eva Gallant´s last blog post ..WTF Wednesday

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