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He’s gone, so I’m wearing my granny pants

Pure, unadulterated, ass covering comfort bliss if you ask me. Yup, my man is away on business for the next few days and just when I thought of ways to take my mind off being without him, my grannies had a little wink at me from the back of the drawer. I’m proudly adorning my wedgie-free wonders, slapping my hair up in a ponytail and going on a make up strike for the entire weekend. Hell, I might even skip a friggin shower, yeah I said it! It’s not like I can’t be this way when he’s here, but being a woman left alone makes me just wanna let it all hang out without worry. Those legs girls, are going to be left to grow until the tribal people move in. We’re talkin all -out -mountain -girl -bonanza.

Every woman should posses in her undie drawer, the good ol Grannies. If you don’t, why the hell not? I’m not quite sure how they end up in our apparel, somehow they just slip into our drawers like little magical beings waiting until we have a moment alone to enjoy them, or nothing else left to wear before we shamefully put them on hoping no one will see them. These are in no way to be confused with our ”time of the month” undies, which are simply the demoted knickers in our drawer that are no longer fit to be called ”proper” undies. The Grannies are a breed all of their own. These babies are the full tummy covering wonder pants that are either made out of pure cotton heaven, or Lycra fat sucking NASA material. There has to be 5 friggin miles of cloth that goes into making these things and let me just say no matter what size you grow or shrink down to be they will always fit. These suckers could stretch to cover your entire upper body if they had to, which is good to know in case you get caught out half naked in them one day.

Now don’t get me wrong, I like pretty knickers. I like the way a good pair of pretty undies makes you feel instantly sexy. But sometimes, I don’t wanna be sexy, I just wanna spend 10 frigging minutes being completely worried about anything BUT finding a way of getting the cloth outta my backside without anyone noticing. I want to wear something so unsexy and let my legs grow so long that the only date I’d get is with a Yeti. Consider it just a moment when you can just relax and get free from the insanity that is ”is my butt big in this?!” because yeah, I know it is.

So while he’s gone this weekend, I’ll be sporting my Grannies and showing them some love. I’ll gladly bend over and let the tops show and each time I do, I’ll smile. I’m gonna swear so much I’d made a sailor blush, scratch whatever I want without question and burp so friggin loud the neighbors will hear me. I know he loves me just the way I am, I have nothing to hide from him and I know he’d still love me in my Grannies. But I’d quite like them to remain my dirty little secret, after all that’s what being a woman is all about. Having just one little thing all to ourselves. Just having that little moment of cutting loose from all that is lady.

When he walks through that door I want to be the girly me again, I’ll be fed up and tired of being sloppy. Oh yes he gets a little glimpse at my Grannies once in a while, but somehow being left to my own devices makes me want to rebel. When he arrives home, I’ll be back in my Frenchies, legs shaved, lotioned and smelling like a true lady. Not because he needs me to, but because I want to be just for him.

But until then, let freedom reign baby.

36 Responses to “He’s gone, so I’m wearing my granny pants”

  1. Mesina says:

    With a recent blogger issue some people have been having trouble posting their comments on the blog. I've gotten around this by switching off the word verification and am now moderating comments (sorry guys) for now until the issue is fixed. Here is my dear friend Cheyenne's comments that she emailed to me regarding the post:

    A) I hate you because you're funnier than I.
    B) Somehow in the first paragraph I read that as Granny winking at you and all of my pork and mashed potatoes threatened to come up and land on my keyboard. And all subsequent references to "granny"/"grannies" were your grandmother as well.
    C) Mountain girl bonanza + ocd = death. I'm just sayin.
    D) All you have to do to rid your dresser of "time of the month pants" is let a surgeon take a blow torch to your uterus. Problem solved.
    E) Jesus. Nothing says alone like seeing your pretty undies. ­čÖü
    F) OMG picking your thong out is the best thing ever. At the end of the day it feels like a freaking knife!
    G) I am trying not to connect the term undies with "dirty little secret" because I love you sooo much, and I tend to be fairly judgmental.
    H) You are hilarious biotch. xoxo

  2. Mesina says:

    And Jesse, another dear friend also had trouble posting pre-comment fix! She said:

    ''Still won't let me post, but loved it!''

  3. Donna ~Blessed Nest says:

    Happy Saturday SITSas!

    It's good to be sloppy..oh and Grannies are good every now and again. Yo are one funny girl, I'll be back but I think your reader above wins for funny too! HA

  4. Mesina says:

    Thanks for stopping in Donna! Yes it is good to be sloopy, and Grannies are only just for the occasional slop out. I totally agree, my reader above is a dear friend of mine from school and that girl has had me laughing since the day we met! x

  5. The818 says:

    I love this. You're hilarious.

    Happy Saturday Sharefest!

    http://the818.com/?p=2448

  6. Kim says:

    Great post for the SITS sharefest! Very funny because it is true!

  7. Haha! I LOVE it!! Well, once you hit the big 5-0 you get permission to do all of those things whenever you want to because by that time you deserve it.

    Happy SITS Day!!
    .-= Mary at My New 30/Deep South Dish┬┤s last blog ..d?TERRA Essential Oils Review and Giveaway =-.

  8. Pregosaur says:

    Confession: I LOVE my granny panties. LOVE them. Who needs sexy when you have that kind of comfort?!
    .-= Pregosaur┬┤s last blog ..The girl who knew too much =-.

  9. I eat toast and tea the whole weekend when he is gone. No cooking!
    .-= cat@juggling act┬┤s last blog ..Chaos =-.

  10. Gotta love those comfy undies!!!
    .-= Kimi@SoManyKids┬┤s last blog ..What I Meant To Say – Hughes Net, I Hate You Edition =-.

  11. That’s the way to live it up!! Happy SITS!
    .-= Double Wide Mom┬┤s last blog ..The Stalker =-.

  12. LOL! I have exactly 3 pairs of granny panties that I save for similar occasions. They are hideous, but hey, no one’s looking and they are comfy!
    .-= karen@fitnessjourney┬┤s last blog ..Giveaway Time! =-.

  13. Laura says:

    I love my granny panties. I think they end up in our drawer when we get pregnant & those flimsy little undies won’t go around our bellies…no matter how sexy we want to me.

    Happy SITS!
    .-= Laura┬┤s last blog ..HUMAN TRAFFICKING IN AMERICA! =-.

  14. elizabeth says:

    so very funny AND so very true! nothing worse than tugging at your undies all day, no matter how cute they are. I have special drawer for all my frumpy, baggy, worn out, unsexy, but very comfy clothes!
    .-= elizabeth┬┤s last blog ..Adoration & Exhaustion =-.

  15. Tonya Riggs says:

    Love the granny panties and letting your leg hair grow! It’s so nice to take a break from being a lady 24/7!! My hubs is gone all week for work so I like to rebel too!!
    .-= Tonya Riggs┬┤s last blog ..Friday Fill Ins – March 12 =-.

  16. joann mannix says:

    Love the grannies. I also find comfort sometimes in my husband’s boxer briefs. They’re thick cotton and even though 2 of me could fit in his jeans, they’re accommodatingly stretchy. He did, one time, catch me. He was like, “Are you wearing my underwear?” I think he found it kind of oddly sexy.

    I do only wear them under baggy sweats. It’s the only look that works with those man panties.
    .-= joann mannix┬┤s last blog ..Lessons I Am Learnin’ You TodayÔÇöYou Are Welcome =-.

  17. Marie Cole says:

    My one and only pair of butted panties just ripped out and I am thinking I need another pair, those were pretty comfortable and the hubby liked them. ­čÖé Are butted panties considered grannies?
    .-= Marie Cole┬┤s last blog ..When Size Matters… =-.

  18. Aleta says:

    I have to make sure I don’t drink anything while reading your blog post. I could ruin another keyboard that way.

    VERY FUNNY! And I totally agree, we need days when we can totally relax. LOL
    .-= Aleta┬┤s last blog ..Mama Kat’s Prompt for the Week =-.

  19. Kerri says:

    LOVE IT! My grannies are there too, hiding in the back. But once in a while…you just have to. It’s HILARIOUS when my husband and I go underwear shopping. What I pick and what he picks…I’m like, do you even know how that would go ON???
    MEN!
    .-= Kerri┬┤s last blog ..Thankful Thursday =-.

  20. Heather says:

    Amen, sister! My boyfriend has a crappy work schedule that has him working weekends for 6 weeks out of 12. I relish those weekends when I get to do what I want, go where I want and maybe not shower too!

    Happy SITS day!
    .-= Heather┬┤s last blog ..A New Life’s resolution – Day #51 (Occupational) =-.

  21. zeemaid says:

    *L* Unfortunately I make granny panties a daily occurence.. I hate flossing my butt ­čśë I dig out those for special occasions. Hey men would rather see you naked anyways… ­čśë

    Happy SITS day!
    .-= zeemaid┬┤s last blog ..The Relatives are Here! =-.

  22. I was impressed they were called granny pants in the UK, but then I read you’re American so I don’t know what they’re called in the UK.

    Anyway, I love granny pants and figure I can wear them every day now that I am a “granny”.

    Happy SITS day. Enjoy your sense of humor.
    .-= Bucksome Boomer┬┤s last blog ..Kroger Cart Buster Event & Giveaway =-.

  23. Ahhh the granny panty. Preventing wedgies since 1894.
    .-= sarah @ i run with scissors┬┤s last blog ..I Need You, Baby (to help me get some free shit) =-.

  24. Heidi Walker says:

    I get the catalog One Hanes Place in the mail every once in a while and they have animal print granny panties!

    I giggle everytime I see them and am tempted to by a pair because they are SO CUTE!!
    .-= Heidi Walker┬┤s last blog ..Burnout or should I say ÔÇŽ. =-.

  25. MommaKiss says:

    You know why they’re in MY underwear drawer? For that time of the month. Period Undies.

    Oh-and for the gym, sometimes. Because who needs a thong (a.k.a. butt floss) messing w/ your bits when you’re trying to work out?

    not this kid.
    .-= MommaKiss┬┤s last blog ..5k preparation =-.

  26. Laura Cancun says:

    I’m sooo glad to know I’m not the only one with time-of-the-month undies!!!

    The ones that are a few years old and are fading!!
    .-= Laura Cancun┬┤s last blog ..Feliz Cumplea├▒os, George! =-.

  27. Thanks for the laugh! I’ve gone days without showers!
    .-= Kim @ Cheap Chic Home┬┤s last blog ..A Bit of Easter-fying =-.

  28. Mariah says:

    While you are at it, why don’t you eat a whole carton of ice cream while vegging out on the couch… you deserve it!
    .-= Mariah┬┤s last blog ..A Cat Jumped On My Face! =-.

  29. alexa says:

    OMG I can so relate! My husband leaves for “business” quite often & for extended times! I love my granny panties! I also put on my granny nighty too:) Ahhh… and the rest of my body rests too:) Happy SITS DAY!
    .-= alexa┬┤s last blog ..~ IMMA BE =-.

  30. This post was hilarious! Thanks for the laugh on this dreary Friday night!

    Happy SITS Day!

    Cheers ­čÖé
    – CoconutPalmDesigns
    .-= CoconutPalmDesigns┬┤s last blog ..The Martini and The Sailboat =-.

  31. Gamma Sharon says:

    You are way to funny!!!! I love this post and it is so true! I love the feeling of just letting it all hang when my Hubby is gone!
    Congrats on being the FB!
    .-= Gamma Sharon┬┤s last blog ..A Letter from my Mom / Mama Kat’s Writers Workshop =-.

  32. Rene W. says:

    Hubby & I have been working together & I SO MISS the days when I could have to myself to let it all hang out! This reminds me – I need to schedule in some “me” time!! Great post.
    .-= Rene W.┬┤s last blog ..Becoming, Blogging and Balance =-.

  33. This reminds me of the coupon for a free pair of Victoria Secret’s panties I received one year. I kinda forgot about it and then remembered just before it expired. I stood patiently in a long line of other women redeeming their coupon. Finally, my turn! The clerk wrapped up the panties without showing them to me. I was delighted and waited till I got home to see my new treasured undies.

    Granny panties!!! White with all over coverage. What?! lol! Yeah, I still have those bad-boys tucked away for those special times when I want that full coverage feeling. Hey, it happens ­čśÇ Isn’t it great being a girl?
    .-= Cheryl from thatgirlisfunny┬┤s last blog ..Stay Young Tips so you can say ÔÇťIÔÇÖm ready for my close-up, Mr. DeMilleÔÇŁ =-.

  34. I believe I’m a little bit of out of date to appreciate this stuff, but i’ll test and keep up to date – apologies for terrible english language, i am only German

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