According to my inbox, I’m a freaking billionare

I can’t figure it out, I’m either the luckiest lady alive or the unluckiest. You see, I have a lot of long lost rich relatives who pass away it seems, which is rather a bummer when you get to hear that news. I also win the lottery quite often, now that I can deal with. But with all the news of this money flying around, I get a lot of business proposals, mostly from Hong Kong. Good news travels fast right? Rich people should just stay away from me, it’s likely they’ll keel over any second and leave me their entire inheritance…. via email.

You know, I can’t handle winning the Netherlands Lottery every month, sending my personal details through the Internet and waiting for my money. There’s a lot of anti-climax happening with the excitement of waiting. So help me if I have to ask for another long lost dead relatives funeral details again only to never receive it. I mean the guy is leaving me 100 million US dollars and I can’t go to his funeral? What the hell is that?!  And if Ching Wang asks one more time to help him out moving some money around for that guy who died in the 2004 Tsunami, Imma get freaky on his ass. Where’s my 25 million Ching? WHERE?!

In total they all owe me like, a billion. I’m getting a little worried about taxes now.

Ok, so obviously I haven’t sent my personal details through (cos I might be insane, but I’m not stupid), but I am seriously fed up with these spam emails in my inbox. Some of them are just downright bad and don’t even attempt to sound like a good con. Others are just annoying as hell with their URGENT titles, which just makes me laugh and think of some guy shouting having to pee – doing the I have to go now dance naturally. Normally I don’t have to see these emails much because I use Outlook which filters them for me. However, now that my PC decided to blow up, I’m having to resort to checking my emails in another program which isn’t filtering them very well. So we’re back to empty promises from Mr. Wang… the jerk!

I think my next move is to start answering them. Here’s one I received today in fact:

Greetings,

It is understandable that you might be a little bit apprehensive because you do not
know me, Please forgive this unusual manner to contact you, but this particular
letter/email is of exceptional and very private nature,as by virtue of my vantage
position in Hang Seng Bank Ltd -Hong Kong i have a lucrative business proposal of
mutual interest to share with you.There is no way for me to know whether I will be
properly understood, but it is my duty to write and reach out to you,TRUSTING that
you will give this proposal a positive consideration.

I am Mr.Jon Chan a South Korean and one of the Director of Hang Seng Bank Limited
here in Hong-Kong.I will need you to assist  me in executing a business project from
our bank worth US$25.5 Million.These funds were deposited with our bank by a
customer of our bank who is a national{citizen} of your country/region,who
unfortunately died in the December 2004 Asia Tsunami disaster. I shall furnish you
with more information’s about this operation when l receive your reply.

Should you be interested, please send me those information’s

1.Full names,
2.Age
3.Occupation,
4.Private phone number,
5.Current residential address.

Via this email address :- jonchochan@aim.com

Your earliest response to this letter will be highly appreciated.

Kind regards,
Mr.Jon Chan
Hang Seng Bank Limited
Hong Kong.{Asia}
Email:- jonchochan@aim.com

Dear Mr. Chan,

You were right to sense my apprehension, but I wouldn't say this was an
unusual manner of contacting me. In fact, I get a lot of nut jobs emailing
me on a regular basis, so it's all good. I am rather honored that you
choose to contact me, of all people, to help you out on this lucrative
buisness proposal and that you've put so much TRUST forward. You must have
caught wind of my recent inheritances of all the relatives that have
unfortunately passed away in the last months, so this comes as a bit of
good news after quite a bad streak of luck for me. Although I'm curious if
this guy who has passed away in the 2004 Tsunami is the very same
gentleman that my dear friend Ching Wang knew? I mean wouldn't that just
be a hoot?! Do you happen to know Ching? If you do could you please tell
him that I am still awaiting my 25 mill from him as part of our business
deal? I bet that bastard took off with my cut and is on a yacht somewhere
drunk, haha that would be so like him! Always playing jokes and ripping
people off, ahh what a guy.

Having a look at the details you need from me, I'm not too sure about it.
I'm a pretty good judge of character and you seem just like the sort of
guy that would phone me up at 3am with kinky prank phone calls. Which
might be sorta sexy if not for the fact that I will be way too exhausted
to be dealing with kinky calls at 3am and you might not even be very good
at that sorta thing. I mean what if you are that type of guy that giggles
after asking  questions? Or make me talk 5 whole minutes about nothing but
my nipples? I really don't have time for that.

So as much as I'd love to help you out, I'll have to pass. I really don't
need the money right now after having won the lottery 4 times already this
month at a million Euros each. I hope you understand.

Regards,

The lady you sent this email to.

P.S. - It's lucky you put in brackets that Hong Kong was in Asia, I would
have been here all day trying to figure out where it was! Thanks!

Now let’s see if I get a reply shall we? I’m not holding out much hope and yes I really sent this email back to him this morning.
Dontcha just love spam?

It’s a neighborhood thing

You know, somewhere back in the day it was a pretty standard thing to feel part of your neighborhood. Somewhere in time, communities were active, shared and highly regarded. Now, it’s more likely that you know more people on Facebook and Twitter then exactly who your neighbors are.

When I read an article on Being a Good Neighbor  from a fellow blogger, it really got me thinking about how we’ve all gotten so out of touch with the people living closest to us. I do believe that when crisis hits people still tend to pull together, but it saddens me to think that we have to wait until such things happen before we do. On the other hand, it’s not like we haven’t been given enough reasons in this world not to trust just anyone and that seems to be our number one reason for not reaching out as freely anymore. Shall we all blame the media, or have we simply seen too many reasons close to home to draw our own conclusions?

Here in the UK, privacy is very highly regarded. The British folks themselves are much less likely to engage in conversation in the elevator, let alone snug up to their neighbors. However you do still get a friendly feel in the nicer neighborhoods, which in such a private country is a welcome thing to see. But in London it’s totally possible to walk down the road in a chicken suit without getting so much as a glance – or at least it feels like that when I visit the city!

In it’s own way, I do prefer it sometimes, being the protective Mother that I am I don’t like inviting just anyone into our lives.  Especially since there is a modern attitude of not really knowing anyone 100%, we hear so much of some of the worst things with the most unlikely people. Then again there’s that fine line between keeping it private and shutting people out altogether. For me, I do know a few of my neighbors since we live in a good neighborhood and there’s a friendly feel around the local houses to wave and say hello when we all pass one another outside. I also love being active in a few communities of personal interest, although this recently has gone down for me with a little one on the way. But hey that’s life and babies make us adjust, whether we like it or not.  I’d like to think however I am somewhere in the middle, not feeling untrusting all the time toward everyone, but not exactly running an open home either.

Still, I’m a great believer in humanity and relish in the odd chance to help out and pitch in when I can. Even if it’s just a little thing like donating old clothes to charity rather than throwing them away. I suppose I don’t want to let go of that old image of people helping people and I’d never feel quite the same person if I didn’t occasionally chat to a stranger at the supermarket a time or two. That’s the American in me and the British reactions are simply too priceless not to do it. (Think deer in headlights and a are you talking to me lady?! look of uncertainty – Utterly hilarious sometimes)

You know my favorite recent example of some Good Neighboring had to come from MaryMac in her recent post Snowpocalypse. She and her family held a Blizzard party with a few friends and neighbors within walking distance, since everyone was snowed in and they had food for a birthday party that couldn’t be held.  How cool is that?! Something you really don’t get to see everyday anymore, it was lovely and refreshing to hear.

So what about you, are you in a community where the blind eye is more common than the get involved? If you aren’t a part of your immediate neighborhood, do you feel the need to join communities where you feel safer or more involved?

I’d love to hear your experiences, so don’t be shy!

This crazy little thing called Blogging

Bloggers. We’re becoming not so much an elite group of people, but in this blogging age you might discover your Grandma blogs. Or at least your Mother in law, which could actually scare the hell out of you to be honest, but hey, that’s the price of honesty. So why do we do it? What drives and motivates people to blog, share their personal stories or just rant on about a particular interest? I recently read two short articles from fellow bloggers asking this very question, one from Sugar Filled Emotions and the other at Blondish.net and it got me thinking about the reasons I started my blog in the first place.

And then there was me was born out of sheer curiosity to be honest. A friend of mine back in the States blogged and I simply loved reading up on her musings on life and kids in general. Then it hit me, I wonder if I could do that? I had no idea if I could even write to be fair and it seemed clear to me that it didn’t really matter, it was free therapy. Who the hell doesn’t want free therapy?! So I signed up for my free account, got myself a swinging template and off I went into the big bad world of blogging.

 And I loved it.  And I discovered a little thing about myself that I never knew existed – I loved writing.

I have one of those obsessional minds that can sit and ponder things for hours on end, getting lost in a million thoughts over and over, finally I had a place to let them loose and run riot over the screens of whoever wanted to listen. Not that I expected anyone to actually listen but as it happened, there were some who did. There was even an entire community of people who were doing just the same as me, blogging about life, writing a bit of everything and nothing at all. I was hooked.

In the new year I was in awe of some of the more professional bloggers, so to speak and decided to take my blog to the next level. Not exactly Pro, but certainly up there along the lines of more than just a personal blog, opening myself up to things like reviews, giveaways and maybe even a little advertising. These things have yet to bear fruit, but I wanted to see where they would take me. Not to make a million from the blog, but because I wanted my writing to take more form and shape in the future. Every little thing adds up to a bigger picture. The end goal is to actually call myself a writer one day, even if just a broke one. You never know, stranger things have been known to happen. [Que Elvis]

So what’s this blogging buzz all about? A place to vent? Share feelings? Educate others? Or is it simply something fun to do, like a hobby, to fill a void in this little game we call life? I think the reasons for each of us are different, which is the beauty of it all really. It seems there are so many of us out there willing to open our lives and thoughts to potentially thousands of others, at the end of the day so many people just want to be heard.

What of those of you out there who have yet to join the blogging revolution? If you’re just thinking about starting your own blog, here’s just a couple of my own thoughts to help that blog ball rolling.

Don’t blog in fear.  The best blogs are the honest ones. It really doesn’t pay to be worried about what your readers will think of you, those who read will read because they want to. Those who don’t will probably just piss off somewhere on a site where the content is more their style. Either way you can’t please everyone, so just please yourself.

Readership takes time. No, you aren’t going to post your blog up on the Internet and get spammed with visitors, people have to know you exist first! Visit other bloggers and leave comments, not JUST to self promote, but to actively get involved with your community. There are so many blogging communities out there, you will find one that fits. Just don’t copy and paste comments, take time to read blogs you are interested in and post personal feedback. We blog to be heard, feedback is invaluable. Do remember to return the love to those who visit you too – visit the blogs of your readers and be amazed.

Blog about what you know. Stuck for ideas? Blog about the things you are passionate about first, don’t just throw yourself into the abyss to write about what you think others might want to read. Blogging from experience and passion makes for easier writing and you’ll find you get right into the swing of things far more quickly. Blog out of your element and it will probably show that you don’t really know what you’re talking about OR it may end up sounding a bit clinical. Which would probably make a fairy fall over in a heart attack and no one wants to be held personally responsible for something like that…. no one. Except fairy haters. Who nobody likes anyway.

It’s really not that personal. Spammers, haters, people who disagree with you or flame. Honestly, they have issues of their own and really the internet can simply be a place where people say what they haven’t got the guts to say to other people in person. If you ever end up getting a flamer, just point, laugh and shrug it off. Whatever you do, don’t lose sleep over it. Not everyone in this world will agree with your opinions or like what you have to say, expect it and find the funny side.

Inspiration is everywhere. All writers get writers block, so hence even the best bloggers get stuck from time to time. Keep a notebook handy for things to jot down when inspiration hits you, or when you find the odd day that you’re stuck. When you visit other bloggers be inspired to expand on their subjects if they genuinely catch your interest. Having a list of random ideas and other bloggers are two ways to never run out of material. And if you are still having the odd day, leave it. Something will come, just don’t force it to happen. Above all, read, read, read. Just don’t spy on your neighbors night and day to find blog material, that’s just creepy.

Above all, just have fun. Because your blog probably does not cure world hunger, there’s no need to get your knickers in a twist about it. I mean you can have a serious tone, but it won’t equal the end of the world if it’s not going so well and it doesn’t mean you’re a big fat loser. It just means if you’re not having fun, you won’t write and if you don’t write, there’s a blog getting lost in cyberspace. Not that a little kid on a deserted island isn’t getting fed….it’s really not that bad.

So tell me why do you blog?

**Photo obtained from this site.

Want some more blogging tips for newbies? Check out Tycoon Blogger’s – Blogging for Beginners

Thou shalt not swear

Honestly, mention you’re a Mom on a blog and suddenly you’re supposed to conform to a whole new set of standards. We mothers are role models, we raise children for the love of all that is holy, we are responsible for setting the manner standard and aren’t supposed to be swearing in the middle of our blog posts. Or on the street. Or in front of the kids. Or anywhere within a 50 mile radius of our other half’s colleagues. (unless your single, in which case not within a 50 mile radius of any member of your family in case they start to think you aren’t coping.)

Like Hell.

I have no idea how other people view the whole Mom’s shouldn’t be swearing thing, I’m sure the opinions are wide and varied on the subject. I’m sure too that the entire thing pretty much depends on which words, how you choose to use them and how often you use them. Although I think most of us can take a Mother making the occasional blunder out loud after having a couple glasses of wine after dinner, is the view somehow skewed when a Mom types it out in a blog post? I’m not fishing for approval, my readers know that every so often I slip a word in here and there when the post tone needs it. I mean, shit happens, I’m not going to lie and sugar coat shit if that’s what it is. Equally, I feel I’ve always used such words in good taste, and certainly am not going to start constantly swearing to get attention. If that’s how you roll it really doesn’t make a difference to me either way, I’m personally not offended by swearing and can handle anything rated R. Then again, I’m pretty open like that and I have a pretty high threshold when it comes to being offended.

So when does it cross the line? When does a Mom blogger suddenly start appearing to you behind a crappy PC screen with a bottle of vodka, half drunk sitting in her bathrobe at 10am watching the kids play with matches? At what moment is her other half called TimBob who sports a dirty white T-shirt with half his beer belly sticking out underneath revealing more hair around his navel than Tom Selleck’s entire chest? I know there is no one answer here, but I am very curious to know how each of you perceives this issue and where your limit is for such things. Not for my own future reference, but for things I’ve seen in my travels around the net, responses from people and generally how quickly offended readers can be if suddenly they see a word they weren’t expecting. Especially those who feel that being on the blog of a Mother is somehow a safety net against profanity.

At the end of the day, in my humble opinion, we were women and human beings before we took on this Mother role in life. I know there is the argument here that stepping into that role means we should leave behind some of the less favorable traits. I’m all in for that, I totally get the need to lay down a good foundation for being a solid role model to our children, but I’m not about to get all Mother Teresa on it. For me blogging is something that is out of my kids’ sight, a place to be me, Mom or not. I am sure they hear worse stepping outside or getting the bus to school, they know themselves what is right and wrong to say. I can’t say that I am a Mom that constantly swears in front of my kids, although I’m not exactly known for my tact every now and then. Sometimes I say all the wrong things at the right time and well, once in a while the kids aren’t out of earshot (aka. I’m louder than I realise). We’re not talking on a daily basis here people, I do my part in setting an example to the kids as best I can, but I am a mere mortal. Being perfect doesn’t register in my vocabulary and goes against my morals anyway.

Share your thoughts, I want to hear them. Do you swear on your blog or do you tend to steer clear of the swear police? Enquiring minds want to know…well mostly me. Me and say….five other blogger’s. Which FYI is just an estimate.

**A fellow blogger read my article and gave her opinion on this topic too! Stop by and see what she had to say….you know, just in case my opinion wasn’t enough…pfft.

To swear or not to swear? That is the question

Losing your tact

Today I am on my soapbox. Today I am going to sit and have a rant about why people feel the need to lose their tact around pregnant women.

Before I really get started, let me make a couple of things perfectly clear. I don’t take it personally half as much as I used to when someone sticks a foot in their mouth. During the first two pregnancies I did and I suppose a part of me has just developed an immunity to hearing stupid comments being thrown at me from the mouths of some rather inconsiderate people. So this post isn’t about me believing a single word that is uttered to me these days, but rather a rant because other pregnant women out there do take it to heart. I certainly did once upon a time and I’d be lying if there wasn’t some little part of me that simply wishes that other people wouldn’t attempt to ruin the enjoyment of my pregnancies, I’ve just moved past allowing them to. Still, it is so annoying. But I stand ever proud of my figure, every woman develops in pregnancy differently, almost like a fingerprint, unique and equally as beautiful as each other.

So now the rant. Now comes the absolutely true events that took place yesterday while out on a shopping trip with a dear friend. We were in a toy shop, the shop was small and cozy, but attracts a number of people especially in this holiday season, so we were all in tight together fighting for elbow space while trying to sort out a few stocking fillers for the children we all have at home. But the mood was happy, everyone chatting to each other, the way strangers do when the start of the shopping season begins, no one really panicking just yet since we have a few weeks left to shop. Next to me a woman grabbed an item that my friend and I were laughing over, a silly little rubber chicken that upon a squeeze releases a rather gross egg type thing from between it’s legs. Definetly something for the boys to giggle over. When I saw the woman, I looked up long enough to realise I knew her from some years ago since our boys went to pre-school together back then. We started chatting away about the years that have past and how many more children we’ve had since, how our families were and…ooh look yes I am expecting another one on the way.

Here is where the quite innocent and great conversation we were having goes terribly wrong. She asks when I am due to have the baby, I state April and that smile on her face got wiped off so quickly you’d have thought someone just told her a person was mugged outside the door. The eyes widened (I’m used to that) the mouth dropped (also, pretty used to that) and the gasping for words (seen that too, it’s all good) So you’re….just…. 20 weeks, I said. Who the hell can do maths that fast in shock? I didn’t want her to show herself up so, I did the maths for her. What came next was probably every sensitive pregnant woman’s nightmare. Just note, the tone of voice…she’s going now from a normal chat to practically shouting. My friend did the decent thing of going to the other side of the shop so that we could play catch up without that awkward third wheel thing. I am defenseless, with just my toddler. Here’s how it went down…and I quote (no exaggeration here done for dramatic effect)

Oh my god! Oh my god! You’re ONLY 20 weeks?! You’re massive! Oh my god you’re huge! But, you’re so huge! Oh I know it’s rude, but you are so massive! Oh it’s so rude, but oh my god! You are just so huge!

At this point she has taken a step back away from me, with her hand over her mouth and pretty much every shopper nearby is checking her out and then checking me out. With the announcement that I am only 20 weeks I feel a few eyes upon me scanning the belly to see if by their own standard am I huge and massive or not. Some are looking at her whincing, others are just doing their best to pretend it’s not going on. I am simply standing there waiting for her to finish her rather loud display, that she may as well just put over the damn intercom system. It wasn’t just a quick damn girl you big statement, it was a whole gasping for breath and I wondered if I’d just said I was pregnant with an elephant or something. People have said some pretty rude things before in previous pregnancies, but this was just mind boggling. Even with her saying twice she knew it was rude, but still carried on saying over and over how huge and massive I was, it left me standing there wondering why then did she continue on?

So what happens after a conversation like that? Apologies don’t happen, apparently after something like that people simply tie up the convo and wish you a merry christmas before heading as fast as possible away from you and out of the store. Because that’s what she did. We had our moment of awkward silence once she was finally finished blowing me to smithereens in public and then, I hope you all have a Merry Christmas! See you later!  Have a Merry Christmas? Are you fecking kidding me? Not even a Oh my god I am so sorry, I am such an ass! Nope, just happy holidays I’m outta here. Well Ho ho ho to you too asswipe, I hope you and your family have a Merry Effing Christmas AND a Happy Friggin New Year! Merry Christmas….dear god she did so not just say that. Oh but she did, with a smile to boot.

Of all the rude things, comments about twins, are you sure it’s not twins haha, don’t fall over on your face with that huge thing attatched, whatever comments stated before, that had to take the cake. That had to simply be the most stupidest thing ever to have happened to me and I stood there not able to do anything but stare in shock once I saw nothing but dust in the place she had been standing. There’s a part of me that wondered if once she got home that day she confessed to her other half that she had done something terribly rude to someone in town, or whether she carried on gasping for breath retelling the story of how absolutely massive I was. Either way, I’ll never know and in fact it doesn’t make a blinding bit of difference, the deed is done.

But I’m not worried about what I look like. I relish in the hugeness of this belly because for me, this comes but only a few times in life. I am lucky enough to have done this four times over and I simply love the way my body looks sporting this baby inside me. Yeah, I’m huge, so what? I’m not going to spend the rest of the pregnancy worrying myself over it. I’m going to count my blessings that I have a healthy happy little man in there, one I will meet in 4 1/2 months and love till the ends of the earth.

Until then, please for the love of all that is holy, have a moment to honestly think before you speak. Pregnant lady hormones and rude comments don’t seem to mix well for some reason and even once your baby is born you never forget the things people have said. Ok rant over, I’m stepping off my soapbox now and leaving you all with that thought for today, especially in light of the upcoming holidays. So if upon your shopping sprees you stumble upon a pregnant lady, do let her know how utterly gorgeous she is. Because if you can’t see the beauty of a belly, I too wish you a Merry Effing Christmas and hope Santa fills your damn socks with coal.