Aug 21, 2010 Posted by mesina | 6 comments

FYI and you thought I wouldn’t do it

I know what you guys are thinking. You are all like What the hell Mesina? No posts since Wednesday and now you’re late on FYI? You better have a good excuse Missy! And here’s the part where I totally sound like a teenager explaining this to you. It’s not my fault. I’m innocent and you didn’t see nothing anyway!

The real deal is that we have a guest visiting from Holland and while I thought I would be super clever and get all my stuff done before Friday, it would seem I was not clever enough and actually take far more time ”doing stuff” than I realise. Which is funny since it’s something Maurice has been trying to point out for quite a long time now. Still, I’m not going to tell him that because that would give him the advantage point and there is no way in hell that’s happening. I’m a woman, I shall merely pretend this never took place.

So let’s not waste any time and get down and dirty on some FYI! Because we’re all pervs for info here right? Right. Got your geeky glasses on? Pocket protectors in place? Let’s nerd out Ya’ll.

So FYI

Bruce Lee was so fast, they had to slow the film down so you could see his moves. Holy. Freaking. Crap. You guys. So now comes the age old question that every guy would ask now. If Bruce Lee and Chuck Norris, had a full on ninja ass kicking fight, who would win? They don’t slow down the film for Chuck Norris you know. Bruce Lee is pretty much like a ninja on Red Bull. Which I would think in the world of Kung-Fu ninja stuff is pretty good. Either way they both sort of look constipated to me when they fight. Maybe that’s a girl thing?

It’s said that Charlie Chaplin once entered a Charlie Chaplin look-a-like contest and came in 3rd. Probably one of the most famous myths surrounding the film star, which could indeed be quite true. Could you imagine winning 3rd prize at your own look-a-like contest? Like who the hell would look more like you than you?! Is that possible, cos that’s sorta psyching me out to be honest. Like somewhere in the world someone looks more like me than me. What if it’s an evil twin? What if I’m the evil twin?! I think I need to go speak to my parents about this…..it’s turning into a twilight zone episode.

The glue on Israeli postage is certified Kosher. Wait hold on a second. You mean to tell me that in other parts of the world the glue is NOT Kosher? Does anybody know what the hell is in the glue in other places?! Also, what is Kosher glue?! I’m really freaking concerned now. You know what? I’m just going to keep to stickers. Yep, sticker postage stamps and those sticky envelopes that you don’t have to lick. Now I don’t have to worry about weird stuff in my glue, I really need to figure out what’s in there. It’s going to bother me for the rest of the year now.

Sherlock Holmes never said ”Elementary, my dear Watson.” Never uttered that phrase in any one of the Sherlock Holmes books. Ever. This is how rumors get started you guys. This is why so many people think that Holmes and Watson were a couple, because what guy would call another guy Dear in the first place unless they were a couple? Besides, everyone knows Sherlock would never date someone from work. He was way too smart for that. Jeezus people should really read first before misquoting stuff. Wait, apparently he DID call him ”my dear Watson” in one of the books, he just never said that full quote! Oh. My. Gawd. Cutest couple EVER! But Sherlock, you really shouldn’t date guys from work. That’s so unprofessional.

The dot over the letter ”i” is called a tittle. I dare you not to laugh reading that. Just try not to think of some little kid looking straight at his Mom’s chest saying is that your tittles? You know what? I am so going to slip that word into a conversation somewhere and use my very best poker face while saying it. Don’t you just wish you could do that and take a picture of the person your talking to’s face and post it up on the Internet at some weird site called www.tittle.com? Or is that just me?

Well I hope you all have a wonderful weekend, whatever you’re doing. But if you get bored and want to start an argument between guys for your own sick entertainment, all you need to do is bring up the whole Bruce Lee and Chuck Norris scenario and sit back to watch the convo. It could be interesting, but please do the considerate thing and video it to post up here and share it with the rest of us. I mean, I know I would.

Obviously Bruce Lee can so take him. It’s not rocket science you guys.

Aug 7, 2010 Posted by mesina | 7 comments

FYI it’s an identity crisis

Oh Saturday, how I have missed you so. Getting to lie in bed just that little bit longer, not a care in the world, nothing to rush around for….

Who the hell am I kidding I have kids.

So peeps, it’s that time again, time to train for the Geek-a-thon just in case you happen to be attending one soon. Otherwise I suggest you hold a Geek-a-thon one weekend at your place to stump even your geekiest of friends with your supreme knowledge of absolutely useless info. Do it. Then you can spend that evening making them feel stupid. Heh.

So FYI

A Walla Walla scene is one where extras pretend to be talking in the background. When they say walla walla it looks like they are actually talking. I am never in my life going to watch a movie the same again now. I’m going to be sitting there staring at the people in the background going Did she just say Walla Walla?! WTF does that mean?! I’m pretty sure I’ll be missing the plot of most movies from here on out and annoying the crap out of Maurice who will have to endure babe, watch the people in the background, they are all just saying Walla Walla. Did you see it?! HAHA….isn’t that funny? Watch! Are you watching? BABE! Pfft. It’s going to be hell. Then again, so is living with me I suspect.

A zebra is white with black stripes. I found this little piece of info and then, because I possess awesome research skills, (<—Haters) I found this on Wikipedia.

It was previously believed that zebras were white animals with black stripes, since some zebras have white underbellies. Embryological evidence, however, shows that the animal’s background color is dark and the white stripes and bellies are additions

You know what? I’m pretty sure Mother Nature doesn’t want us to figure it out. I think Zebras are like, the world’s most confusing animals and that’s just the way it’s supposed to be. We are going to spend our best scientific years asking ourselves Is that twit white with black stripes, or black with white stripes?! I DON’T KNOW DAMNIT! You guys, I don’t even think Zebras know. True story.

Anteaters prefer to eat termites to ants. Um yeah, but when whoever went to name them probably thought Termiteeater? Clearly that is not half as cool as Anteater and since they do eat ants, they just decided to name them that. Yeah. Then again, they could have actually come up with a more intelligent name all together that had nothing to do with what food the freaking thing eats. I mean most animals are not named after their food how insulting is that?! Those poor anteaters, I’m going to call them something else from now on. Hosenosers. You guys are so welcome.  

Babe Ruth wore a cabbage leaf under his cap to keep him cool. He changed it every 2 innings. Uhhhh, I am far more concerned with how this actually occurred to him to do? Like at what point did he think to himself, man I need to get me a cabbage leaf to put under my cap to keep me cool. Does this not make sense to anyone else, or is there something magical about cabbage leaves that I am not aware of?! Besides, how much of a difference can it really make? See, now I HAVE to try it on a really hot day just so I can make fun of Babe Ruth. The shit I do for amusement. It really does get worse than that, trust me.

Duelling is legal in Paraguay as long as both parties are registered blood donors. Do you guys see how important it is to donate blood? Where countries are so short of donors, they start to make highly dangerous activities legal so they can haul ass over to the injured party and start collecting their blood. Yeah, I’ll totally stitch up that wound for you just as soon as I get another pint, be patient!  I’m not even considering moving to Paraguay now. That’s just weird.

Well, I hope you all have an amazing weekend, filled with lie in’s and lazy days. Just don’t come here bragging about it, or I’ll send my kids over to your house next weekend. So while you’re lapping up those Saturday vibes, just be thankful you’re not having an identity crisis, like all the zebra’s in the world.

Whoever figures it out needs to call Science. Pronto.

Jul 31, 2010 Posted by mesina | 10 comments

FYI show me your inner geek

I know you’ve got an inner geek lurking in there.

 I mean the fact that you all come back here each Saturday for your geek fix says it all really. It’s totally not a bad thing, but the first step to help is actually admitting you’ve got a problem. After that it’s all about embracing your inner geek and learning to live with it. To be honest, it can really come in handy sometimes having that inner geek in you. Like when your Mother in law won’t shut up for five minutes and you can blast a whole bunch of useless information totally randomly and leave her standing in your dust baffled. It would be so awesome, you’d want a photo of her face to frame by your bedside so you could sleep knowing you did that. How freaking cool would that be eh?!

So to start you off in your 12 step program and your new mission to baffle idiotic Mother in laws (or if you actually like your Mother in law, then you could totally impress her with your cool geekiness) I bring you today’s FYI Saturday, crap you never wanted to know. Because you need your geek fix and I’m just the woman to bring it to you. You can send me flowers and chocolates later.

So FYI

Peladophobia is the irrational fear of baldness. So how many men do you think are running around with this phobia? I mean, it has to be mostly men right? What would really suck is if you had this phobia and then actually went bald. So technically, you’d be your own worst nightmare and probably live in constant fear of…..um…yourself. At least if you had this phobia and your other half went bald you could like divorce him or something. Not that ruining a marriage is fun, but you can’t run away from yourself people! It’s not possible.Although you could become a drag queen and totally buy a wig to hide it. That might work out. It might also get you a fab date, but I’m not making any promises. Plus, just think of how sexy you’d be in your new life as a drag queen….hawt.

Justin Timberlake’s half-eaten french toast sold for $3,154 dollars. Well, at least the owner of the french toast also got the fork he used, the plate it was on and the extra syrup. But wtf?! I don’t even know why it would occur to anyone to actually buy a half-eaten celebrity french toast but whatever. Do you know what I could do with that money instead?! MAKE MY OWN DAMN FRENCH TOAST! What the freaking hell is someone going to do with it anyway? Eat it? Ewww. And could someone please explain how the hell they shipped it to them? Was this like a collection only sale or something? Well I guess they get the fork and the plate too, but knowing my luck I’d pay that amount of money and one of the kids would break it. Kids make it impossible to have that amount of money to blow on useless crap. Someone could have told me prior to having them. Dammit.

 In Georgia, donkeys may not be kept in bathtubs. This really is a heads up to all you Georgian criminals out there keeping your donkey’s in the bathtub. It’s illegal. It’s only a matter of time before the cops catch you, please hand yourselves into the police station and end your life of crime now. Your donkey really doesn’t need a bath, these laws are there to protect them. Do the right thing, I beg you, before a donkey starts smelling like bubble bath. And please put your Ass outside before you leave for the police station. Jeezus some people.

Worms reportedly taste like bacon. For the record, I have not tested this one out! Although I did attempt to interview some fish, but I didn’t get anywhere with that. I blame the lack of lakes here. So I’m pretty much having to take this at face value. If anyone has any childhood traumas of their brothers force feeding them worms, could you email me and tell me if they taste like bacon? Do you have to cook em up first? Cos I always imagined they’d taste like dirt, so now I’m intrigued. Just not intrigued enough to actually eat a worm. Damn, I need a bacon sandwich now.

Diet Pepsi was originally called Patio Diet Cola. Ok, who the freaking hell was the head of advertising then?! And what drunk bastards sat around and agreed that was the coolest name ever?! I don’t even get that…Patio Diet Cola… what the hell is that? Cola to drink on your patio? EH?! It doesn’t even make sense. This was back in 1963 and it was re-introduced as Diet Pepsi in 1964. I bet they fired the dude in advertising and got someone normal in. Someone who wasn’t secretly drinking Coca-Cola. Someone who at least graduated elementary school. Patio Diet Cola…seriously.

So there you have it, your life enriched by useless information to stump your Mother in law. I accept all forms of payment in chocolates and flowers. FYI, I like both dark and milk chocolate and roses are my favorite. If your kids ate your paycheck, then some cheap gas station flowers will be fine. Just not any Patio Diet Cola please…

On a side note…. Coca Cola heard about my worm fact.

Jul 24, 2010 Posted by mesina | 4 comments

FYI the News edition

Ahhh, the smell of Saturday. Just take a whiff my lovelies and enjoy. You know what, next time I’m going to take a whiff somewhere away from my freaking dog first. Damn, what do I feed her?!

Ah hem…. well since it’s Saturday, you all know what that means right? Right? I’m only going to excuse those new around here. FYI Saturday, crap you never wanted to know – that’s right, now you’re sure to be a hit at your next Bar Mitzvah. Unless you’re not Jewish in which case I’m not even sure why you’d be at a Bar Mitzvah, but if you find yourself at one now you have conversation pieces to woo everyone with. Awesome.

Today is the News edition of FYI, so I’m bringing you news stories from around the globe that are sure to make you and your family feel much less dysfunctional. I mean it’s just as good as watching an episode of Cops you guys, doesn’t that always make you feel less dysfunctional? It’s what I watch when I’m feeling all trashy, it gives me a boost.

So FYI

New York police hunt Darth Vadar after he robs a bank. Going over to the Dark Side doesn’t pay, just ask Darth. It seems that the famed supervillain entered a New York bank armed and demanding money wearing his well known suit complete with the lifesaving helmet, shirt, cape and uhh…camouflage trousers? Really Darth? Was this a casual dress down day or something? New Yorkers will however be pleased to know, Darth supports the New York Yankees. The bag he used to rob the bank was indeed a Yankee bag. No word yet as to whether local Jedi’s are working with the NYC police department as Yoda was not available to make any comments on the matter. See here for the full story.

Man in jail for just wanting a hug. But let’s not get all gooey over him just yet, the man punched another man who had refused to hug him. Awwww, bless his little psycho mind. I mean, knocking the guy out for not giving him a hug? Somehow, I’m thinking he has some issues from childhood. Thankfully he didn’t ask him out for a romantic dinner for two…..it could have been so much worse. Check it out here.

Automatic cow wash set to boost milk production. Yep, you read it right – an automatic cow wash system from a Swedish company may soon be adopted here in the UK. Apparently the swinging brush system can boost milk production by up to 3.5 per cent – it seems that even Bessie takes pride in her appearance. A car wash for cows? Seriously? They even described it as going at an ”animal friendly speed” – and what speed would that be? Can you imagine one of those brushes going Turbo animal friendly speed? I think Bessie would be pumping out milk shakes in no time. Proof I’m not making this crap up.

 Man loses marriage over his addiction to eating light bulbs. Ummm….oh my god. This guy eats around 25 light bulbs a month and has been addicted since his first taste at 12 where he ate one as a dare. OK, I can see a 12 year old doing something that stupid as a dare, but come on he’s 52 years old now! He kept his addiction secret from his wife and used to closet eat the bulbs until she caught him one day. She left him after that saying it was just ”too weird”. Personally, I think it’s a little twisted too. However, I would have been tempted to stuff a switch somewhere and see if he glowed. I mean, he might come in handy if you need a bedside lamp or something. It’s like a whole new meaning to being turned on. Here’s his story.

Bosnian man claims aliens are attacking his home. His home has reportedly been hit with meteorites six times since 2007. He says, and I quote ”I am obviously being targeted by aliens.” Uh huh….. “I don’t know what I have done to annoy them but there is no other explanation that makes sense.” Yeah, you are right dude, it’s totally obvious that Gangster aliens are targeting your house cos you pissed them off. I mean, no one messes with ”Da Family” right? So they all keep doing a ”Fly By” every so often, chucking meteorites at your house just to keep you in check. Why did no one except you think of this? There might not be, oh I dunno, a scientific reason for this? Maybe your horoscope says something more reasonable, perhaps your cosmic alignment is out of whack. You know what, just sober up and get back to me on this. Some people’s kids ya know?

Well, I hope you guys feel a little more normal now after reading this, I know I don’t. So, whatever you get up to doing this weekend please do it safely. Because no one wants to piss off the head of the alien Mob and get fly by’s of meteorite attacks. No really, you’ll lose a lot of friends if that starts happening to you. Even outer space has a Don….

Holy mother of  Mars.

Jun 26, 2010 Posted by mesina | 11 comments

FYI the Hollywood edition

Well well, here we are Saturday! YEAH WEEKEND!!! WEWT! How’s the weather where you are? It’s been pretty hot here in the UK and I read today we might be expecting a mini heat wave. What’s a mini heat wave anyway? I think maybe it will be really really hot for like 10 minutes. Damn, I better have plenty of drinks on hand for that!  So tell me, what are all your plans this weekend then? Anything good going on?

FYI me back people! (dooooo itttt)

Today is the very first Hollywood Edition of FYI Saturday! It’s like totally glamorous, uh huh yeah. Today I will amaze you with strange and amusing facts Hollywood style, because…well because I can really.

So FYI…

It took $7,500,000 to build the Titanic, approximately 20,000,000 tons of iceberg to sink it and $200,000,000 to make a movie about it. Well color me Kate and Leo baby! That’s not exactly a small budget for a film, but oh my gawd it cost more to make the film than the friggin ship!? That’s insane, that’s just crazy, that’s Hollywood for ya. Now, if they could only make a movie about making the movie about making the ship that the 20,000,000 tons of iceberg sunk, this whole drama would be complete! Wait, you know what I think they already did….

Nicholas Cage’s real name is Nicholas Coppola. He changed it to disassociate himself with his famous Uncle Francis Ford Coppola, who of course brought us the now immortal The Godfather film series. Ok Nicholas Why-the-hell-did-you-wanna-do-that?! How could you deny your Uncle, creator of most awesome movie E-V-E-R?! It doesn’t make any sense! I dunno, I’m pretty sure he’s missing a little piece in the upstairs department even though I totally love him as an actor. (or at least some of his films) With all the drama that surrounds him who knows eh? Funny though, his middle name is Kim, which is also his current wife’s middle name? Last name? I dunno, she’s Alice Kim Cage now. So they’re like, bonded with Kim. It’s so friggin cute you wanna puke isn’t it?

Oprah’s name is actually a typo. Her parents apparently wanted to name her the biblical name Orpah, but the midwife mistakenly spelled it Oprah and there it stuck. You know something, if that happened to me, and my kid got their name misspelled at birth I’d sorta want to…oh I dunno….FIX IT?! On the other hand, it’s Oprah. Seeing that it hasn’t happened to my kid, I’m in total awe that she got an original name by accident. On the other hand, as a Mom I’m totally mortified by the prospect that her parents just like went with it. How long do you think it took them to realise the typo? Damn I would have paid to be there to see that.

Sean Connery wore a toupee in every James Bond film that he starred in.  Ok whoa, TIME OUT! I am having a pretty hard time imagining a young Sean Connery minus some hair! You see, Mr. Connery started losing his hair in his early 20′s, so that dashing do as Mr. Bond was just a toupee. A TOUPEE! Alright, confession time here, I honestly don’t care even if it was a toupee, although the thought of him being super sexy with the toupee falling off is suddenly hilarious. I still stand firmly that Sean Connery is one of the sexiest Dashing Young Men to Ultra Sexy Older Guy in the history of Dashing Young Men to Ultra Sexy Older Guys. Even though, I say that still laughing from the toupee fantasy.

Brad Pitt once worked dancing in a chicken suit to attract customers for the restaurant chain ”El Pollo Loco” on Sunset Blvd. Ok now if one of those guys ever asks you out, you might just think twice eh?! Not all losers now are they!? But oh. My. Gawd. I just can’t imagine Brad Pitt in a chicken suit! I wonder if Angelina would have given him a second glance back then. Maybe he does the dance for them in private, like one of those little couple jokes. DISCLAIMER: I will not be held personally responsible if you now go seeking men in chicken suits to date in the hopes of someday being married to a multi-millionaire hottie and end up with a dude named Tim-Bob and having 8 kids. On the other hand, if you do end up with the former, I will totally take credit and you can share your fortune with me yeah? Or at least mention me in your first book From Chicken Legs to Armani suits. That would be awesome.

So there you have it, crap you never actually wanted to know but now you do – Hollywood style baby. I think I’m gonna go grab me a pair of shades, Elton John fashion and pretend I’m super important today. I wonder if I can get Maurice to wear nothing but a pair of boxers and a bow tie to serve me drinks in all day today? It’s either that or I’m leaning towards that chicken suit, except that it is pretty flipping hot outside, I might end up with a roast chicken on my hands. Hmmm tempting….