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10 things NOT to buy her for Valentines

Well, it’s coming. Valentine’s day. Whether you look to the holiday with impending doom on your face, or sheer utter excitement at the idea of a day filled with romance, you definitely do not want to get it wrong. Even if you only do a little something. Over the next week I will be doing a series of posts on some of the do’s and don’ts for the upcoming holiday of love.

So here is my official, 10 things  please for the love of God do not buy her for Valentine’s list. (In no particular order I might add) Oh and yes, I will be posting one on what not to buy him for Valentine’s too, fair is fair.

1. Dinner at a fast food restaurant. That’s right, no Burger King, No McDonald’s, no Wendy’s, no Wimpy, no, no, no, and double no. I do not care if you possess a million coupons or only have a fiver sitting in that wallet of yours, you are better off buying a cheap meal to cook at home than you are taking your loved one out to fast food. Unless you guys have some sort of special omg we totally met at McDonald’s story that you’d like to recreate. Otherwise…noooooo. (FYI, men who cook at home, even if the food gets burnt is very very sexy. Yes even if it’s just spaghetti)

2. Lingerie that doesn’t fit. Alright, this has got to be a mood killer right here. If you really want to buy lingerie for your lady please know the correct size! But buying her a size 6 when she’s really a size 12 will lead you to a less romantic night of tears and diet chats (also high school traumas) than it will under the sheets. Going the other direction doesn’t work either, for if she unfolds a pair of underwear that look like they belong to an elephant, she won’t be impressed. Especially if she’s skipped dessert all week to lose an extra 2 pounds. So here’s your tip: Finding out her size will NOT work if you ask her, you must take the chance to either A) help her out with the laundry for a week or so, making sure you suss her bra and knicker size (or jeans size, T-Shirt size…..you know what just look at all of it) or B)manage to find a way down her underwear drawer and make notes of the size that way. But please look at more than one bra and underwear set as you have a 40% chance of pulling out something that no longer fits, which goes up to 75% if there’s a lot of dirty laundry. Hell, help out with the laundry, it’s safer AND gives you bonus points.

3.Lingerie from Wal-mart (Or Asda). If you are going to attempt number 2, do not even step foot in Wal-mart or Asda. Find a shop that specialises in it, or at least head down to a respectable clothing store and browse what they have. Yes I know you could hook her up with a bra and underwear set for 8.99 but the real deal is far sexier than a bra smothered with hearts and cheap lace. Honest. You’ll thank me later.

9780470045237-l4. Sex for Dummies book.  Unless of course you’re really telling her you want a divorce, in which case, fine. However don’t expect her to play nice afterwards. I’m just sayin’.

5. Or Make your Own Sex Toys book for that matter. Seriously, who the hell would want to do this? NOT your lady I can assure you. Oh and trying to pass strangest-book-in-amazon-make-your-own-sex-toysthis off as a but I thought it would give us a fun project to do together won’t work either. Don’t go there. Ever.

6. DVDs that are really for you. While I realise that many women really love a good action flick these days, even perhaps a thriller or two, getting the entire series of Star Trek series 3 on DVD probably isn’t a good move. Unless of course your woman is a die hard Trekkie in which case, well played. Honest, when it comes to films to treat your lady to, maybe you should be thinking of the theme at hand. Love. Either go out on a limb and find a nice love story to watch with her, or get something you know she loves. Yes, even if you hate it. Even if it means being forced to sit down for 2 1/2 hours watching crap. You decide, 2 1/2 hours of crap for you…..an entire series of crap for her. Take your time….

7.  Household appliances. Ok this is a tricky one, because you could possibly get her a household appliance that will send her screaming in utter delight and love you forever and all time. If she really truly wants it. However, if your lady is expecting gifts that show her your true feelings toward her, she’ll probably be staring at you like a deer caught in headlights if she unwraps a dustbuster. Saying Baby I love the way you clean for me probably isn’t the best way to shower some love. On the other hand if your lady gets all giggly every time she sees a Dyson and says things like Honey looooook then stack up some brownie points honey and get that Dyson!


celeb_scale8.
A new, ever so fancy, kick ass….bathroom scale. Why? Why would you torture yourself like this? Memo to you, women are totally sensitive about the whole weight issue. She’s probably going to go totally nuts and ask if you’re trying to say she’s fat.  Then you’re going to have to explain how you’re just trying to be supportive of her goals to lose weight, which will still lead her right back to the question of you thinking she’s fat and needs to lose weight. Which will end up in a long winded conversation that might involve an episode of her being dumped by some idiot years ago who said she could stand to lose a pound or two and how her sister was always the skinny one, or utter silence for the rest of the day. Either way you won’t be getting any.

9. The Hey babe, I bought you these sweet chocolate lips and a six pack of beer gift of love. Uh hum….this is neither romantic or going to score you anything but glares. Chocolate is a great idea, chocolate lips, ok that’s cute, but put that sucker with a pack of beer and well, you’ve just degraded the gift. Plus, you now look like a total twat and you are aware she owns a few kitchen knives right? Just rename yourself to BillyBob right now and get this over with.

10. Gear for man hobbies. As cool as it probably is to receive a fishing pole as a present for you, stop and ask yourself is she a fishing enthusiast? I know that it was a Fishinator 2000, I know those suckers are expensive and you went out of your way to find a pink one on ebay and that you totally went and found a matching tackle-box. I know and I am feeling your pain right now. Equally she probably isn’t quite as hyped up about receiving the new Halo on the Xbox 360 as you are. Even if you got the last one in the store and wanted to spend the evening playing it together. Sure, there’s chicks out there who dig fishing and video games, but on this most festive holiday of love what the hell possessed you to believe she wanted some man time with you?! Unless that is how she rolls, it’s probably best to steer clear of any hobbies that you and your buddies partake in. Besides, you always risk that she’ll end up better than you at it, which she’ll mention to your friends, which pretty much makes you the butt of way too many jokes.

There you are, 10 things to steer clear of this Valentine’s day for the lady in your life. Because when you want to show you how much you love and care for her this holiday and totally get it wrong, you do not want to be getting to the good stuff later and find

thongs

No body wants that. No.

 

17 Responses to “10 things NOT to buy her for Valentines”

  1. Lynne says:

    Happy SITS Sharefest Saturday.

    I have to say, your post had me cracking up b/c I counted and I have gotten 3 out of the 10 – and I bet if other commenters would admin it – they have experienced a few themselves!!!
    .-= Lynne´s last blog ..Creepy Susie and 13 Other Tragic Tales for Troubled Children by Angus Oblong =-.

    • mesina says:

      Lynne, I know right?! Bless the guys, they can sometimes get it so wrong. But I’m glad you got a giggle out of it, even if now I am really feeling for you and crossing every finger and toe I own that none of these items will make the gift list for you this year!! Thanks for stopping by! x

  2. Melissa B. says:

    I don’t know what I’d do if Mr. Fairway bought me a bathroom scale for Valentine’s Day. Happy Saturday Sharefest!
    .-= Melissa B.´s last blog ..Sunny Day =-.

  3. so true! What are guys THINKING when they go shopping?

    happy sits saturday sharefest!
    .-= Me, Myself & Pie´s last blog ..Sirloin Steak with Tarragon-Garlic Sour Cream =-.

  4. Brent Allard says:

    So much good advice here (and quite a few laughs) I was out with a friend close to Valentine’s day once and he told me he was buying his wife a Vacuum Cleaner. I tried to to convince him otherwise, but he said “No, she really wants it.” Afterwards I asked him how she liked the gift and he said “I don’t want to talk about it.”
    .-= Brent Allard´s last blog ..Little Ceasar =-.

  5. Eva Gallant says:

    What a great post! Loved it. My husband knows…..expensive chocolates are the way to my heart. Screw the dustbuster or the blender!
    .-= Eva Gallant´s last blog ..Photo Updates =-.

  6. Amber says:

    Fantastic list.

    But I actually wouldn’t mind a Fast Food meal. I love fast food. I’m weird, I know.
    .-= Amber´s last blog ..On Stalking Target =-.

  7. Very welcomed info!

    Plus, your topic is just begging the question on behalf of the lesser halves:

    10 Things TO Buy Him 4 Valentine’s Day!
    .-= Cafe Pasadena´s last blog ..Girls will be Boys & Boys will be Girls =-.

    • mesina says:

      My thoughts exactly Cafe Pasadena! This week will carry on the Valentine’s theme around here and I’ll be posting not only what to buy your loved one, but also a guide on what TO buy. So that’s three more posts upcoming on the theme…oh dear better get to work! x

  8. Silent Echo says:

    Lol some of these are so funny. 🙂 Great post. My boyfriend actually told me he was buying me a game for the xbox for valentines day… not the most romantic of presents but i would accept it if… he didn’t go out find a game he thought he’d enjoy and buy it me :S lol

    SE x

  9. Hello,Excellent blog post dude! i am just Tired of using RSS feeds and do you use twitter?so i can follow you there:D.
    PS:Have you thought about putting video to your blog to keep the people more interested?I think it works.Kind regards, Shaunte Kight

  10. Intriguing strategy. I’m suprised I will not notice this on that large news sites 1st. Nicely played!

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